Bike+swim=tired but happy

Exercise update: I did complete the workouts from yesterday. I needed 60 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes in the pool and both got done. It was more work than I thought, but I feel that really good kind of tired right now.

I took the day off work (tomorrow and Monday too yea!), so I was able to do the bike ride with my wife, which was a nice way to mix things up. It also made me ride a little more socially, which was better for my body too. We went for about an hour and 20 minutes while my kids were at summer school classes.

That left me more whipped than expected but after a short lunch break, I trudged down to the Y to slog through 30 minutes in the pool. That is getting better too. I like to break up the time by using some of the tools and drills Danni gave me, but I also am doing segments where I just swim laps and I'm able to go further each time. With 3 weeks+ to go to my first big event of the summer, I'm pretty confident the swim won't kill me.

Nutrition update: I haven't used the food tracker for a couple days, but I feel like I'm doing ok. I've been concentrating on adding better food to my diet and being a little less worried with amounts. I didn't cancel my myfooddiary account, so that if this method bombs Tuesday I can go back. It just seems more realistic to try to alter my diet more than limit it.

Today was pretty manageable of course due to the high exercise volume. Maybe I'll track food tomorrow on my rest day. That might be good additional learning, you know, how to eat when you aren't compensating with exercise. Yeah I think I'll do that for sure, so I can clearly see what a more sedentary day looks like on the intake front.

I ate pretty lightly during the day today in addition to the 1000 calories I burned working out, so that we could try a new place to eat tonight. I had heard about this organic farm near Cochrane from a friend of mine last summer. He said they informally served wood fired pizza two nights a week from a homemade kiln and it was fantastic. Because they aren't really a restaurant, you have to bring your own utensils and maybe a blanket to picnic on, but he said it was cool. Well, finally a year later we got to go. It was great! It's a real working organic farm, with animals for the kids to check out, a yard to run around in with some playground equipment, and maybe the best pizza I've ever had in my life.

Anyway, if you ever get up the river, north of La Crosse about 40 miles(one of my favorite areas on the planet), I highly recommend http://suncrestgardensfarm.com/ I am not being compensated for this endorsement:)

Random Musings: I'm having concert envy this weekend. My brother lives near Milwaukee and is going to see the Jayhawks and Ike Reilly on Sunday night. I just couldn't find a way to solve the child care riddle, so I'm not going to be able to go. Sometimes being a grown up is hard, although the other part of being a grown up is I won't feel bad about not jumping in my car for a 3.5 hour drive each way over a 36 hour period...

The other part of the potential Milwaukee trip was a chance to immortalize a little ditty my Dad created with the grandkids known as "Stab you in the eye with a piece of pie." Inspired by her grandfather's artistic genius, my daughter created a script for a video and cast all her cousins. The hope was to shoot a video down there for YouTube, but one group couldn't come and now I'm opting not to. I'm never good at disappointing my daughter but we were passing a point of sanity. You can look forward to the stab video at a later date.

Tomorrow should be a mellower day, which will be good because the heat is supposed to be extreme. Maybe a day to take the kids to the pool. Saturday is the Chileda Classic and both kids are doing the 5K with me. I have no idea how that will go, but it's pretty cool they want to try.

4 pounds by July 23rd, he repeats, almost as if it were his mantra...

Wednesday's are a problem

Exercise update: My training calendar says I should bike for 50 minutes today and swim for 30. Instead I chose to simply walk my dog because I am tired. I'm noticing a pattern on Wednesdays: Even though I should be theoretically fresh because Tuesday is my rest day, I often feel pretty wiped out on Wednesdays and opt not to train. Schedule wise it's not a huge deal, I can just move my workouts to tomorrow, there is room on the schedule, but I wonder why this keeps happening.

Maybe my dietary lapses on weigh-in day carry over and leave me without energy. Or maybe I'm just old and working out hard on Saturday through Monday means I need two days rest. Or maybe my poor sleep on Tuesdays is an issue. I'm not sure which one is the culprit, if any, but the easiest to control is eating better on Tuesdays, so I'll try that next week. I'll work on sleep too, but that is less predictable.

Anyway, I took some unplanned days off this week, so I don't work until next Tuesday. That should be a nice break and a chance to focus on health. Tomorrow's workouts will be the ones from today and I will be ready.

Nutrition update: I am proud to say my exercise slippage was not mirrored by nutrition slippage today. I kept it reasonable and healthy today. I might be a little calorie heavy without the workouts, but I'm sweating that less because I'm trying to focus on what I do eat more than what I don't eat. I've attached a link to a recent study which supports this way of thinking.
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/press-releases/2011-releases/diet-lifestyle-weight-gain.html

It's not that I've stopped using myfooddiary.com forever, I just know that my best past success with weight loss was in a program that focused on getting enough good stuff rather than focused on eliminating bad stuff. That kind of happened naturally, but didn't stick obviously. I know the key for me is to not view this as an episode, but as a true lifestyle change (as cliched as that is). I want to live as a healthy athlete and better eating is the new behavior I need to adopt.

I can also report that dinner each of the last two nights has been a salad made at home. That probably quadruples my usual vegetable intake:) I also went to Lindy's for a reasonable lunch, although somehow Cherry Pepsi slid in there again. I think this 5 day break from work will be my opportunity to reconnect (or maybe just connect) with better eating habits. We are going for wood-fired pizza at a place I've wanted to see tomorrow night, but a balanced, athletic life ought to be able to include that in moderation....theoretically

Have a good night, I'm too wiped out for much random musing.

A tad frustrated

Today was my third weigh-in in a row at the exact same weight, 194 lbs. It is certainly frustrating to not see progress on the scale, but I guess the good news is that it's not exactly a mystery why I'm struggling.

Let's play the positive/negative list game:

Positives:
- My initial 5 pound weight loss seems pretty locked in and solid, meaning I've stopped gaining weight.
- I am much fitter than I was a couple months ago. I can bike for an hour, run for up to 40 minutes and swim for 30 minutes plus.
- I feel better in general
- I have identified holes in my fitness and nutrition routines even if I haven't remedied them yet. At least I am learning.

Negatives:
- I have not lost nearly as much weight as expected so far.
- I seem to sabotage my efforts towards healthier eating and apparently am allergic to vegetables
- I haven't learned how to balance event training with weight loss yet
- The F#*$!ing scale won't move!

Exercise and Nutrition update: Today is my standard Tuesday day-off so no big plans. I'm going to be extra aware of my tendency to slide from Tuesday through Thursday though. I think I got spoiled for a couple weeks and now I'm battling some bad habits. Not to be redundant, but it is clearly a case of "If I exercise I can eat whatever I want" and it just isn't true.

I'll probably excuse myself a bit today with the goal of being solid and locked in from Wednesday on. Not to say I'm going to pig out today because I know that usually leads to more pigging out.

My new short term goal is to lose the 4 pounds to be at 190 or less by the triathlon on July23rd. That's slightly better than a pound per week, so I will need to stay focused. If I can't do that for 25 days, then I don't know what I can do.

Somedays running sucks

Exercise update: I have been fortunate in that I haven't had many exercise days that were just difficult. Maybe I don't work hard enough or maybe I'm in better shape, but for the most part my workouts have felt ok.

But not today.... Today I was on deck to run 30 minutes and even though I completed the run, I can't say I enjoyed any of it. I just felt heavy legged and slow and fatigued. Maybe the third day in a row after a pretty active weekend was too much or maybe it was just one of those days, but what a slog. I saw someone post somewhere on the Internet that the toughest days training were the most beneficial... they thought. I hope that's true, but it sure don't feel that way right now.

Nutrition update: If you've been following, you know I've felt like my diet has slipped in the last couple weeks. My old pattern of greater amounts of exercise equaling less dietary discipline has cropped up. Last week I didn't lose any weight, and I don't know if I will tomorrow. You might remember a few weeks ago, I talked about the dilemma I have with training for events vs. focusing on weight loss. The short version is I struggle to do both at once. If I don't show some progress tomorrow, I need to go more weight focused for a while because I have a long way to go in that area and I'm only content being a slow, fat triathlete for another month or so.

FYI...here's what I've eaten so far today . It looks pretty good, but remember I'm always at my best on Mondays because Tuesday is the day of reckoning. When combined with the 500+ calories I earned through exercise today, I have 600-700 calories to get me to bedtime.

Breakfast
1 banana 120 calories
Bolthouse Farms ~ Smoothie ~ Green Goodness 4 fl oz 70 calories
Breakfast Burrito ~ Sausage 1 order 300 (I rationalized that I needed protein)

Lunch
Turkey Club 1 serving 590
Pepsi ~ Wild Cherry 8 fl oz 110
Lay´s ~ Potato Chips ~ Baked! ~ Sour Cream & Onion12 crisps 120

Afternoon snack
Panera ~ Bagel ~ Blueberry
1 bagel 330

I only see two big boo-boos here. No one needs Cherry Pepsi and breakfast burritos are debatable at best.

Random Musings: I'll be anxious to see what tomorrow's weigh-in tells me. It should help me focus for July.

On a completely separate note, today was a tough day. A friend at work lost his 23 year old daughter to a drunk driver over the weekend. I have no words to describe how awful that must be for him and I feel really bad. To compound my feelings (although I'm not the key figure here), I learned that the drunk driver was an alumnus of my little Alternative High School program, albeit before my arrival.

That was added to having to talk with a student about a potential sexual harassment issue today and when I did some research on the person she accused of the harassment, his rap sheet was two screens long (and his in my building every day). I have to admit, I had a bad couple hours where I just wanted to meet a different group of people than the ones I generally serve at work. It's not fair to group them all together, because some are doing great, but it is exhausting to know so many people who are not doing well or aren't even nice people.
It's weird to be at a point in life where you can look at the website to see who's in the county jail and not only know several of them, but have your brain go "oh I like that guy' when you see the name of someone accused of meth dealing or battery etc.

I must admit that I felt like escaping to a different strata in the caste system for a few hours today. Fortunately I have pretty good amnesia and generally some optimism, so I forget the bad stuff and believe we can help, even when the evidence isn't as plentiful as I wish.

If you are a spiritual person, think a good thought for my colleague Jeff, no father should have to outlive his daughter.

Sunday prior to Monday

Random Musings: I used to really get weird on Sundays, kind of melancholy on a regular basis and then be unable to sleep. That hasn't been the case for a while now, but I must admit I'm sort of out of sorts tonight. Maybe it's just fatigue from more working out than usual this week (yea for me, I did them all). So I think I'll keep it short tonight and get some good restorative sleep... I hope

Exercise update: This week's calendar starts with 30 minutes in the pool and I was able to do that at the YMCA today. Each time in the pool is better than the last, although today's effort has left me pretty whipped. I tend to break my swim workouts into short 50 and 100 yard bursts. Today I started to stretch those out to 150 yards on occasion. Of course, the triathlon will require about 450 yards of swimming, so I have work to do. I also walked the dog for 40 minutes and discovered I handle the heat better than he does:)

Nutrition update: I would call today a C. We picked up bagels from Panera and I managed to eat two entire bagels over the course of the day. Even though the calories fit, my reading says that carbs are really an issue for weight control and bagels feed my carb addiction big time.

I also indulged in Mexican food tonight, which put me over my calorie limit for the day. I didn't pig out, but I could have done better too. Perhaps one less bagel and little more fruit or almonds or something. One nice note on the Mexican food was that the kids didn't want to go with us, so we took the plunge and let the stay home alone for an hour while we went. They had strict orders about answering the door etc and did just fine. Of course they called 3 times during the meal, but hey, it's a start.

Weigh in day is Tuesday and we'll see if we are getting anywhere.

You're looking at my gut aren't you! I'm working on it..

Only a few people will probably get the reference in today's title. I looked and looked for video of an old Saturday Night Live skit called Middle Aged Man. I couldn't find it anywhere, but the joke is basically that a middle aged man does heroic things, but insecurely. His catch phrase is uttered right when a situation starts to calm down and whoever he helped says thank you, he replies angrily "You're looking my my gut aren't you!" He then claims to be "working on it..."

Seemed appropriate today as I made fitness gains but look in the mirror and see more mid-section than I care for. I know there is no such thing as spot reduction, but it would be nice if my belly would flatten a bit faster. I'm working on it:)

Exercise update: Today was my first "Brick" day in my triathlon plan. All brick means is that you run after biking. It's supposed to help you prepare for that transition in the race, which can be challenging because your legs don't want to respond at first when you run.

Today I rode my bike for 50 minutes and followed it up with a 20 minute run. It went pretty well, although they weren't truly back to back. One of our cars had a flat tire at home, so I got caught up in trying to do something about that. I was in great shape to change it until I realized that I will need to take steroids to move the lug nuts. So, I just reinflated it and we went to the tire store.

Even with the gap, I'm pretty pleased that I could complete both legs today. The triathlon is 4 weeks from today, so I think I'll be ready, ready but not fast, but I'm ok with that...for now.

Nutrition update: With all of the exercise today, I could eat pretty much as much as I wanted of course. The challenge has been to not take advantage of that. Right now it's a little after 8:00 at night and I'd give myself a B. Most of the day was pretty good and even my evening wasn't awful. The lower grade is because my wife came home from the tire store and the grocery store with some "oops I was hungry at the grocery store" supplies. Not that she isn't allowed to do that, but I didn't respond as well as I could. One of the treats was molasses cookies and while one would have been fine, I'm not sure I needed the two I had in quick succession. I also indulged in a Saturday night beer. Beer isn't out of bounds, but probably aren't my most useful calories either.

Tomorrow is a swim day, so I won't burn as many calories and I will continue to try to reduce my caffeine. I have a plan hatching around the dollar savings associated with some new behaviors and quitting soda will be step one.

Random Musings: I DVR'd On Golden Pond and watched it with my daughter tonight. I hadn't watched it in at least 10 (maybe 20 years) and I can clearly remember seeing it in the theater when I was about her age. My memory said it was very funny and kind of touching. It certainly was still quite funny to me and my daughter, but I wasn't ready for how it looks to the 40 year old eye. This middle aged man was watery eyed more than I expected.

If you haven't seen the movie I strongly recommend it. Besides being pretty darn funny, it's a great story about getting older and the damage old wounds do if you don't let them heal. And of course because it's Hollywood, it also teaches us that healing is always an option as long as we are upright and breathing. It's the only Oscar Henry Fonda ever won and it was his last film. You should watch it soon. I could feel mortality (not in a scary way) watching it with the next generation in my house.

Between On Golden Pond and the editor's letter in this month's Men's Health (there's a combo you don't often see), I feel like I'm getting closer to some truth. When you realize you can pick your path or you can just let it happen, things get much more complicated in ways. If I ever figure it out for myself, I'll let you know. I'm pretty sure it's about finding one's self inside yourself and not from external things, but who the hell really knows.

I missed a day

Yesterday was a momentous event in a certain way. I missed making a blog post for the first time since I started this little project. I've had a couple days where I put in a placeholder post to acknowledge I lacked time or thoughts for that day,but yesterday I just didn't post.

I hope my ones of readers survived...

The reason was simple. Both my kids had friends for an overnight and we took them to the YMCA to swim fairly late at night, and then the 3 hour process of trying to get them to bed ended after 11:00, so my momentum was gone.

Exercise update: When we took the kids swimming last night, I was able to get my 30 minutes of pool workout in. I feel better each time in the pool, but I will never be a good swimmer. As I've said before, I just want to get to a point where I don't waste all my energy in a triathlon completing the swim. And of course, by next summer, I want to be able to swim the .9 miles in an Olympic tri.

I'm proud to say I've made all my workouts this week so far. Today is a rest day, so Jake and I just walked for 70 minutes. Saturday is the first brick (bike/run workout) in my triathlon plan.

Nutrition update: The big news yesterday was a trip to Culver's for a burger and fries. Seemed logical at the time, but shortly afterward the silliness of differentiating it from McDeath became apparent.
I feel some slippage in my dietary discipline since my exercise has increased. I'm trying to be more mindful for a while. I took today off from work, so I've got a three day weekend to focus on healthy eating. I seem to mostly have calories under control, so now I need to think about ways to improve the quality of what I eat.
I'm hoping to go for special wood-fired pizza at a place near Fountain City tonight, so it's a good challenge to make that fit and be reasonable.

Random musing: Only one thought today. I had a little time at work yesterday and went web-surfing to see how I could strengthen my certification as a reading teacher for future possible teaching opportunities at my college. As regular readers know, one of my fantasies is to get back to the classroom (in my own department, I think K-12 is gone for me) to: 1. Have a more direct impact 2. Have more time off (to be honest).

It was interesting. I knew right where to find the classes and I'd need about 4 classes to be pretty highly qualified. They are available online, at a reasonable cost, and the application is short and expedited. Even with all that, my emotional reaction was "ehhh..."

I didn't do anything with it that day and I'm trying to sort out what my lack of enthusiasm means.

Enjoy your weekend.

Lessons about pizza and expectations

Exercise update: I decided to be flexible today and let my swim move to Thursday, since that day only had strength training on it. I should be able to do both swimming and lifting tomorrow. It was also pretty rainy, so the woman I'm related to through marriage booked us for spin class at the Y. The Wednesday night instructor is well known for running a difficult class and she wanted to see me in pain. We actually rode our regular bikes to the Y to go to class, so we squeezed in a little more time in the saddle.

She was right, the class was challenging. The instructor doesn't really do any rest time during the 45 minute class and he loves to do interval sprinty type stuff. 2 months ago, it might have killed me, but I was able to make it through tonight. It was a nice indicator of improved fitness and those can be hard to spot sometimes.

Tri training is still on pace for a "just finish it" event in July and my eye is on that Urbanathlon prize in October. I think I'll need to do upper body work in addition to the cardio to be ready for that one.

Nutrition update: Thanks to the exercise class, I'm within the calorie limits for the day, but I did learn an interesting lesson about lunch. In my post McDonald's life, one of my lunch options has become a veggie slice and a salad at Rocky Rococo's. Sometimes my salad includes Rocky's phenomenal macaroni salad and today was one of those days. Of course, the days I seem to skip food tracking often seem to coincide with my Rocky's trip, particularly if it includes the macaroni salad.

Today I tracked it all and was stunned to learn that my "healthy" lunch of veggie pizza and salad exceeded 1100 calories! Obviously I need to make some adjustments if I return there. I think just a slice or just a salad would be fine and it might even leave space for the mac salad I love so much on occasion.

I also learned how to use http://myfooddiary.com/ to generate weekly and monthly reports on all my nutrition habits. I think reviewing that on occasion will help me understand why I do or do not meet my goals.

Random stuff: I normally report measurements on the 22nd, but I'm terrible at doing them the same way each time, so I think I'll just do a couple and talk about them.
Today I looked at my waist and was disappointed to see that it basically has not changed a bit. Even though I've lost 4-5 pounds and feel fitter, that is so slow to change. Frustrating and gives me mental images of fat stored around my spleen etc.:)

I haven't discussed my psychosis in a while, so for fans of that, I'll just tell you about a mental dance I've done twice in the last week. As I've mentioned before, I put doctoral studies on indefinite hold in an attempt to lead a happier, balanced life and develop someone non-work or school related interests.

Seems good right, except when I tell people... No one is mean about it,but they just seem disappointed that I'm not trying to become a vice-president or president or lord and master or whatever. It ranges from, "oh we were just talking about you becoming president the other day" to "you have to be vice-president instead of so and so." Now this seems like an odd thing to agonize over, theoretically these are just compliments. But what it does to me is simultaneously hit my ego button and guilt button.

So, I start thinking maybe I should go to school, maybe this is the path I should be on, people need me damn it!

Stinking thinking, the world will go on whether I decide to try to be a stressed out, anxious senior executive or not. If I can choose to do something, I can surely choose not to right?

Well, I know it can choose not to at least until I complete an Olympic distance triathlon next spring. Saying no today doesn't mean I have to say no forever and it doesn't mean I have to say yes either.

Psychosis displayed, mission complete:)

A Plateau

Today was weigh-in day and I am right where I was last week, 194 Lbs. I can't say I'm surprised, but I was bummed. I'd had two relatively good weeks in a row and the needle didn't move a bit this week.

I think I may have hit the limits of an exercise only weight loss program:) I am going to try to stay focused on diet for at least 5 of 7 days this go-round to see if I see the changes I want. Getting under 190 by July 23rd is still within reach.

Exercise and Nutrition update: Today is my scheduled rest day for exercise. I think I'll just walk the snot out of the dog when I get home. My body is pretty tired from last night's swimming. Tomorrow is a big day on the schedule. I'm supposed to swim for 30 and bike for 60. If I don't do both, I may let one or the other bleed into Thursday.

I've eaten quite well today, particularly for a weigh in day, which have been notorious for binging. I went with Turkey Sub rather than the Turkey Club, which includes bacon, for lunch today and stuck to my old friends the baked potato chips. I am awfully hungry now in the later afternoon, but I think that's because I ate very early today.

I backed off on soda just a little today and plan to keep doing so for the rest of June with a goal of being soda free in July so I can start getting massages on a monthly basis.

No other great insights today, just need to keep on keeping on.

Monday Monday (I need to win Powerball)

Exercise update: I feel pretty good about today. I did not make time for going swimming earlier in the day and the only time available was after 7:30 at night. I am old and once I get past 7:00 I don't like to leave the house (sad I know), but tonight I went. Even though I walked the dog from 6:30 to 7:15 and almost didn't go...I went to the pool. 30 minutes of laps and drills in the books.

Winning!

Nutrition update: A good solid day calorie wise, although light on the veggies as usual. I'm usually pretty good on Mondays because weigh in day is Tuesday. I won't predict weigh in day results. All I can say is that the last week has followed my recent pattern of performing poorly the first 4 days and doing much better the last 3. It's sort of been working, but the streak could end any time. I'd like to get to ratio more like 5 good days to 2 questionable days soon.

I do have a new reward for myself planned. I treated myself to a massage at the Y today and it was great. I'm old and I need bodywork like that, but it ain't cheap. So...as soon as I give up soda (a $3 a day habit), I've promised myself a monthly massage in return. Let's see how incentives work, even though research says they generally don't.

Random Musings: By chance I happened to schedule a massage early in the day and a chiropractor appointment late in the day. Like I said, this old body needs maintenance. Man did I feel great. I realized that's why the rich and famous look so much better than me, they can afford that stuff on a very regular basis and I just can't.

When I win the PowerBall, twice a week massages are on the list. I'll age backwards.

Father's Day

Random Musings: I have elected to avoid the self-flagellation of reviewing my posts for goals unmet. My instinct says it is a good idea and I have ample evidence in my life that my instincts suck. So in order to keep the George Constanza approach alive and well, we will move on to other things.

Rather I'll talk briefly about Father's Day. If the theme of my life is uncertainty (and it is along with uncertainty's friend anxiety), then my relief from that emotion is in my role as a father. It's not that I'm certain that everything I do as a parent is the right thing. In fact I'm never sure about that. Rather my relief is from the fact that I was always certain that I would be somebody's Dad and the role feels like home to me.

It's hard to describe really. I can name several people at the drop of a hat who are more effective parents than me in many ways. Yet, I enjoy clarity in that I don't have doubts about being a parent in general. I have many friends and relatives who say they are often kind of blown away by where they are, in a "am I really someone's dad/mom? How did that happen?" way. While parenting has been a struggle, I can honestly say I've never felt out of place being one. I mean I can't choose a career, a place to live, a preferred form of exercise without questioning it on a daily basis, but I never wonder about whether it was the right thing to be with my kids.

So, this is probably the most meaningful day of the year to me. I spent it with my kids and we didn't really do a darn thing. It was pretty great.

I'm not always the most attentive or involved Dad. I wish I was more like my brother and others I know who play board games and engage their kids better on a moment to moment basis. In my defense though, I once saw a sitcom that said in the end 80% of being a parent is simply showing up and I do that pretty well:) I'm always working on quantity time even if I'm a bit weak on the quality time front. It's amazing the wisdom of Modern Family if you really listen for it...

So thanks Hannah and Cameron for giving my life one clear piece of meaning. And thank you to my wife for letting me see you naked and creating said children:)

Exercise update: I had my best run in months today. My workout calendar said run for 30 minutes and after a two minute walking warm-up that is exactly what I did. No Galloway method today, just a straight 30 minute training run. When I went to map it on the calendar I was over 3 miles meaning I was running 10 minute miles, which is what I like to train at when I'm slow and I hadn't been there yet. I cooled down for 20 minutes by walking my pooch.

Combined with yesterday's biking, I think I may be getting somewhere on the fitness front, the weight loss front is a more complicated issue.

I ran today rather than swim because it was just too tough to get kids to the Y in time and we took the day of lethargy in honor of my favorite holiday. Tomorrow says 30 minutes in the pool and barring death or vomit, that will happen.

Nutrition update: I always eat better when I stick around the house and today was no exception. It is currently about 8:00 p.m. and I have a couple hundred calories to spare for a bedtime snack if I wish. I need to find a better snack than a PBJ sandwich. I had one at 4:00 in the afternoon and it put a bit of a calorie squeeze on until my run and cool down with my dog.

I am also pleased to report that my dinner included a healthy sized serving of broccoli. This was a part of what has probably been my best veggie week so far. On a healthy eater's radar I'd still be very low, but for me it's progress. I've had broccoli twice this week and I had salad at least one day along with a lot of veggies in my Chinese food last Thursday.

I've gotten back to honest tracking of my food the last couple days and that seems to really matter. My brain will take any excuse to not log food. I think that is a sign that I will need to do logs much longer than I had planned. I keep wanting to "prove I can do it myself", but there is no evidence of that being true.

Anyway, happy padre's day to all. I hope it was as good to you as mine was to me.

Signs of Life

Exercise update: I just got back from an hour out on my bike. I know I'm redundant, but if there is a last refuge where I feel the tiniest bit athletic, it is on my bicycle. I rode just under 16 miles in that hour, which is recreational for serious bikers, but serious for recreational bikers...

After a week of feeling uneven in my exercise, this was a workout that gave me some energy and made me gain optimism about the triathlon that is 5 short weeks from today. I know I can run 3 slow miles and I can ride 16, I'm pretty close to being able to swim the quarter mile, but I'm not ready to do them all in a row:) I guess that's what the next 4 weeks training are for.

Tomorrow will be a challenge as I need to find pool time, which is a little tough when my wife is working. I can take my kids to the pool, but getting 30 minutes for laps can be difficult because they need my attention. I guess there are worse problems than your kids needing you.

Nutrition update: We had my little cousin Kaaden over today (really little, she's 7), so we took her out for lunch as part of the day's festivities. I went with the burger and fries by instinct. My bike ride gave me caloric room, but I am disappointed in my instincts nutritionally. I love to eat at restaurants, but my inclinations there need to get better. Somehow in my mind, a french fry at Buzzard Billy's Flying Carp Cafe is better for me than a fry at McDonald's. Obviously that isn't quite true.

Other than the lunch, I've done well so far today and have about 700 calories headed into the evening. I must say that overall, my diet has been slipping for the last couple weeks. I continue to identify it as an area of concern and certainly one of these Tuesdays, it will bite me in the ass.

One highlight today was the fact that my kids desperately wanted to go to that particular restaurant to have their cousin (2nd cousin really) eat alligator. She was very brave and helped us split a plate of gator fingers 4 ways. The verdict...tastes like chicken.

Random musings: As mentioned above, my uncle dropped my cousin off for a play date with my kids today while he was in town registering his oldest son for college. It was fun to spend a whole day with a kid I would rarely get to see in a small group. She appeared to have lots of fun and my kids like her a lot too. Of course, it wasn't a normal day, we went to the park, out for lunch and to the children's museum. She may be disappointed if she comes back that we aren't usually that exciting.

As I get older, family means more and more (I don't think that's uncommon), so I'm pretty excited to have Payten (my uncle's oldest) coming to school in La Crosse. Not that we will see him a ton, but it is a chance to make a different kind of connection and get to know him on a new level. It also will bring little Kaaden to town more often and it's neat to see my kids connected to their relatives. They are much closer to their cousins than I ever was. That seems to matter, because your family often seems to become your primary friends over time, at least in my experience.

On my best days, I'm really proud of the stable existence we've carved out for our kids so far and of course on my worst, I imagine they will think we were the most boring parents that ever lived...

p.s. I didn't catalog promises made and kept today, I have more time tomorrow and might try then.

Happy Saturday.

Farmer Food

Sorry, I couldn't post yesterday. I was working and then traveling and then I had the opportunity to spend an evening out with my wife in Madison. That trumped dragging along a laptop to make sure I discussed calorie counts, workouts and personal psychosis.


Thanks to Dad and Marcia for kid-sitting and giving us 18 hours on our own (well 12 for me and then I went my meeting, but 18 for Anne). As anyone with young kids knows, getting time away from them is hard to do and frightfully important. So, an evening out is probably worth six months of wedded bliss or something like that.

Nutrition update: I'm going to blend a few days together here because of the missed day yesterday. Today has been ok with all my meeting time. I probably exceeded my calorie count, but it's close. That's primarily because of a lack of movement and my return to the original Culver's in Sauk City on the way home. I wasn't going to necessarily do that again, but it is so good and at least I knew it was 800 calories going in this time. I was pretty reasonable the rest of the day. The same was true on Thursday. I indulged in a PF Chang dinner with Anne, but left room for it and I did workout that day, so I felt ok.

The reason for mentioning Farmer Food is what happened on Wednesday. If you read my blog entry that day, you know I had a Taco John incident at lunch. Not only was it more corrosive than I imagined, I was able to get a contrast just a few hours later.

When Anne and I first got together, if we went to something that had a meal of meat, potatoes, bread , and a vegetable, or a casserole, or lots of other things like that, we referred to it as "Farmer Food." We weren't being mean and in fact could be found enjoying a casserole when given the opportunity. Well on Wednesday night, I was lucky enough to enjoy some farmer food prepared at home. It wasn't complicated, it was just a pork chop, broccoli (with cheese) and a bread stick. The contrast to Taco John's was stunning and informative.

Not only did I feel full, I felt satisfied and healthy. My brother and I had just had a discussion about the difference between food that fills you up but makes you feel like your body has to work to separate the toxins from the nutrition (i.e. Taco John's, McDeath etc.) and the kind of food that makes you feel like you might have actually healed and rejuvenated your body by eating it. Wednesday's farmer food was definitely the latter. It seems like an important lesson to try to learn.

Random Musings: If I can make time tomorrow, I think my blog topic will be looking back at two months of entries to see what i promised or intended to do and see how much of it has happened. I won't do this as self-flagellation, but rather to re-learn and re-focus. I also need to find an hour on the bike tomorrow. Castle Rock is 5 weeks away and I don't feel real ready today.
But I will, it's really just a training day with friends all around, my focus is on Chicago on October 15th. Urbanathlon dreams....

No blog today

Hi,

I'm on the road and away from the computer tonight. longer update tomorrow. No big news, had healthy lunch, planning on hotel work out.

The Slippery Slope

Today has been an odd day. I am fighting my old foe, fatigue. I have wanted to get a swim workout in either yesterday or today. After a longer run on Monday, I have just been tired the last couple days and when you combine that with the pool schedule not matching up very well with my life, I've chosen to let it go. That means I'll be one swim workout short this week. Not a huge deal, but I'll need to plan better for swimming. My YMCA seems to have early morning, mid-day, and late evening times open for swimming. I think I will need to use the mornings because lunch time isn't very practical and going in to swim at 7:30 in the evening just isn't happening yet. It will be important tomorrow to find 30 minutes in the pool.

Exercise update: As mentioned I didn't get to the pool today. But it wasn't a completely lost day. I took the opportunity to get Jake out for an hour plus walk. Not cardio or swim training, but good movement. It will be very important to get back to the pool tomorrow. I have an overnight prior to an all day meeting in Madison on Friday. That means lots of car time and sitting at a meeting. Not a formula for success, so I need to do the work here. I'm hoping for good weather this weekend so I can get out on my bike.

Nutrition update: Food is the reason for the title of today's blog entry. All I can say is that eating crap leads to eating more crap if one isn't very, very diligent. I let myself wait too long for lunch today and found myself standing in the lobby at McDonald's. Although this sounds a tad dramatic (and oddly pathetic), I turned and walked out while standing in line.

This sounds like triumph right? Well... I went from there to Taco John's, you know because they don't have french fries. They do however have grilled burritos and Potato Oles. Many of you won't be surprised to find out that when you run the nutritional information on that meal, you might wish you'd opted for the quarter pounder with cheese:(... I of course was quite surprised when I plugged it into myfooddiary.com

I guess I file it under lessons learned. And of course, I'm going to be more mindful for a while. My diet seems to be in a subtle decline for the last week or so (a slippery slope so to speak). All beginning with my visit to my old friend Ronald M....

There is no such thing as a "farewell to fat" meal. The truth is that crap begats crap.

So endeth today's sermon.

Weigh in Day - Deceptive progress

The picture on the left is the photo I posted on April 14th as my first "before" photo. The pic on the right was taken this morning, 2 months later. I'm not ready for a P90X commercial or anything, but I can see progress. I'm sure I was thinking a little harder about posture today, but I think I can definitely see progress.

Today was weigh in day and my feelings and results are mixed. My scale clearly indicated 194 Lbs., which is less than last week. Last week I called it 195, but in truth it was probably a little under that, so I'll call it .5 pounds lost this week.

That means I've had a few consecutive weeks of my weight slowly trending down and I feel good about that...but, As I noted yesterday, I don't want to start fooling myself. I think that my incremental weight loss is probably mostly due to the fact that I have gotten to a point where I am exercising pretty regularly. This in turn has given my metabolism a small boost and I might be masking the lack of progress I'm making in other areas.

I shouldn't be negative, I am making progress. I am now consistently losing .5 to 1 pounds per week. That will lead to great places over time. If I can make some good nutritional changes to accompany it, this project will be a success.

I was reading USA Today at lunch time and they talked about the body fat in a sedentary person vs that of an active person, even if they both are overweight. They described the former as resembling Cheese Whiz and the latter as Olive Oil. I am clear which I prefer in my body. The article also discussed planting your feet and making a stand for fitness in early middle age (like oh say 40ish), as being a key to staving off some of the tougher side effects of aging down the road.

Very affirming and I recommitted to staying on that path.

Exercise and Nutrition update: No major notes today as Tuesday is my off day all around. I am proud to say i had a chance to binge at lunch and didn't. Fast food was tempting me and I fought that off (see how it creeps back because I took a taste last week), however I did go to Rocky Rococo's for a salad and a Veggie Slice. Sounds good until you looked at my salad bowl overflowing and topped off with a far too generous portion of macaroni salad and bleu cheese dressing.

As I started to wade through the bowl, I realized that it was frankly a bit gross and I only ate half of it. Not a monumental victory, but leaving food on the table at a restaurant is way outside my normal box.

No exercise plans today, but back in the pool tomorrow.

Good times. Winning!

One day prior

Exercise update: I keep shuffling this week's workouts, but I'm on target. Today I did my running workout rather than swim. I couldn't find a time that worked well at the Y, so I traded the swim to another day this week, maybe tomorrow or maybe Wednesday. So today I was supposed to run for 40 minutes and I went out and did it.

I have become remarkably slow, but I'm not fretting about that yet. I remember from training for my 1/2 marathon 5 years ago that long slow distance running is needed to build strength. Strength in turn will make me faster and if I ever really want to get faster I need to do some interval training. I don't feel confident doing interval training (at least running, biking maybe...) until my weight is more under control. I'd rather be slow than injured at this point.

Speaking of injured, I am surprised to realize that my hamstring is not 100%. I hurt it back in March I think and still when I get past 30 minutes running, it reminds me it isn't all there. Maybe I'll schedule a massage at the Y to work on it a bit.

I'm trying to manage injury stuff proactively. My right foot has been acting up, but weekly visits to the Chiropractor seem to be mitigating that. So, instead of being nervous about my hammy, I'll get it worked on. My favorite triathlon book is by a guy named Eric Harr (Triathlon Training in 4 hours a Week is the name of his book I think), and he talks a lot about not letting injuries prevent you from moving forward. Rather you acknowledge them and deal with them. You pledge to get them healed and taken care of. By taking action, you feel less helpless and part of becoming a triathlete is to get some sense of control in your life.

Nutrition update: Today has been pretty good. It was our first day of summer school, which is always busy for me, and in the past that would have been an excuse to pig out. Today, I remained disciplined and had a reasonable lunch at Lindy's subs, my favorite lunch hangout. A sub and Baked Chips still has plenty of calories, but is way better than McDoodoo.

I disappointed myself yesterday. I had a reasonable Chinese take out meal for dinner and felt pretty good about that at blog time, but later that night, I had a bowl of vanilla ice cream (not a small one either). Not that it is bad in itself, but it wasn't necessary and frankly I felt ill after stuffing it down. No excuses, no explanation, just putting it out there.

Anyway, today was good bounce back day. I'll try to build on it.

Random Musings: Tomorrow is weigh-in day. I was telling someone today that I can't convince myself that it will be a bad one. I have irrational confidence (like Jason Terry for you Bill Simmons fans), even though there is ample evidence it shouldn't go well. My week's diet included a return to McDonald's, a 2nd order of Fries on Friday, and the aforementioned Chinese/ice cream fiasco yesterday.

I think last week's weigh-in being reasonable positive even after a mediocre week has me bluffing myself. I really want to believe that I've turned on the pilot light and my inner furnace is burning enough that I will keep weight loss going even in the face of bad choices. My heart really wants to believe this, but my brain says that last week's win was simply momentum and tomorrow the price will be paid. There always seems to be about a 5 day delay in consequences for my actions.

Regardless, the battle continues and I will strive to put together a quality week no matter what the scale says tomorrow. This isn't just about a scale, it's about a new way of living. At least I think it is...

Speaking of deliberate living, I've been pretty relieved to put my doctoral studies on indefinite hold. I feel like I'm making choices about my life rather than letting inertia decide for me. Now, given my track record on decision making, maybe I'll miss the inertia, but for now I'm enjoying the modicum of control making choices brings.

I think my whole hope in writing daily is to find some sort of truth. I haven't found it yet, but I might be getting closer.

Photo day tomorrow...

Very Brief update

I did some moving around on the training schedule today. Rather than swim, we took to the kids for hike up Buena Vista trail in Alma. It's a great 40 minute walk up if you are ever up the river.

I'm moving the swim to tomorrow. I was also able to take the dog for a 40 minute walk as well. It felt like a good active day.

I ate pretty well. We did go our for lunch, but I passed on fries for a few chips instead. I also had a grilled chicken sandwich. Hiking seems to count for a lot of calories, so I'm within my guidelines today pretty easily.

Tuesday is weigh in and update photos, so it's going to be an interesting week.

It's late and I'm very into the ball game tonight (go Mavs), so I'll keep today short. I'll leave you with a link for a video that I listed to on podcast while I walked Jake today.

If you don't know about ted.com I recommend checking it out. The topics are so varied that some don't do much for me, but the good ones are pretty great.

This link is for a speech by Steve Jobs of Apple about how to live before you die. It's worth 15 minutes of your time and really hit home for me tonight.

Enjoy http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

So what have we learned

Yesterday marked 2 months since I began my blog. Seemed like an appropriate time to see what I have learned thus far...

1. I talk a great game. I really, really want to be the committed person rather than the interested one, I really do. But...my actions would seem to indicate otherwise. When I go back and read blog entries, I see a lot of pledges, but I know that only some of them have been completed. I'm still looking for what truly flips the switch for me.

2. I am making progress. It may not be nearly as fast or dramatic as I wish it were, but I am a lot fitter than I was 2 months ago. I spend a lot of (well-deserved mostly) time beating myself on this blog for falling short. To be fair, I should probably also acknowledge that positive changes have been made. I have lost some weight and I am significantly fitter. I should honor that more.

3. To no one's surprise, nutrition will continue to be the hardest part of changing my behavior. I have a tiny foothold on some changes, but I have a long way to go. Getting off soda by the end of this month would be a positive, but of course it would have been last month too.

4. People with the fitness goals I have probably don't spend so much time on Facebook playing Zuma Blitz etc. To achieve my goals, I am going to try to do less of those things that are simply not useful. Not that recreation isn't good for me, but video games on FB feel particularly useless.

Exercise update: Today was pretty darn great. My 6 year old and I went out for a hour long hike in Hixon Forest around mid-day. Not only was this a great way to visit with the insanity of a 6 year old for an hour by ourselves, we got a pretty good workout in. It was a great way to spend an active Saturday. I need to remember to take advantage of that more often. My kids are addicted to hiking from a trip we took to Colorado last year. They made it up a local mountain there and are convinced they are great climbers. Regardless of their overinflated self-esteem, I'm thrilled they like such an active hobby. And truth be told, they are apparently part mountain goat. Cameron scrambled all the way to the top of the bluff today.

In addition to the hike, I had a 60 minute bike ride on the schedule for today and I got that in too. This was one of those things that reminded me that I am getting fitter. I can go out and ride 15 miles in an hour, with pretty strong headwinds coming back in. It isn't terribly fast, but it isn't snail like either. In addition I'm not totally whipped from doing it, so I am gaining endurance. 6 weeks to go until Castle Rock and I'm on my way to being ready. Tomorrow is back in the pool, my clearest weakness. Fortunately Castle Rock is a very friendly tri for weak swimmers.

My only failure today was avoiding the 20 minutes of strength training, which appears to be my nemesis.

Nutrition update: Today was better than the last couple. Obviously I had a ton of calories to use with the extra exercise, so that wasn't an issue. My biggest win though had to do with takeout food tonight. My daughter and I both like Chinese food, so we went for that. Usually that is a nutritional disaster for me. I usually have the General Tso's chicken which is breaded and fried and just a train wreck. Tonight I opted for Hunan Chicken, which has half the calories according to myfooddiary.com. I also didn't eat all of it and was able to stop at a point of comfort, not bloatedness.

It wasn't all success, I did have crab Rangoon, an old fried friend. I think the trick with those will be to have less of them (I ate the whole order). I seem to eat in units, whatever amount is in front of me I will eat. So...I'll put less in front of me. Once again it comes down to being deliberate.


On to month 3. I hope it is a great one and all of these lessons start to actually sink in.

Down time day

Exercise update: Today was a non training day. I did walk my dog for over an hour, so I got off my butt for that. On a nice cool day like this, Jake loves to walk. He just does not handle heat very well. Whatever godforsaken dog orgy produced this mutt, heat tolerance was not among the characteristics his many parents shared.

Tomorrow is supposed to be an hour on the bike. I'm posting my training calendar on the fridge as there has been trepidation in the house that I will be too busy training to be engaged at home. I think all parties will be pleasantly surprised to see the training rarely exceeds 5 hours weekly. Now I just need to stick to it and not always skip the strength training elements.

Nutrition update: Rather than report on calorie counts and food diaries, I think I will just note a few troubling trends. I think the brain that lives inside my mind is taking advantage of the surprise success of this week's weigh-in to undermine me. As I noted, I've been lazier about tracking food this week, I've "tried" McDonald's and I took the family to lunch today and ate half an order of french fries. I'm also noticing a tendency to grab things like chips and candy and "forget" to log them in the food diary. And of course, I've had late night ice cream three nights running. It's very strange behavior and appears rather insane when I type it.

My empathy for people I work with and know who seem to make stupid, self-destructive choices grows daily. I know I'm beating the linkage to death, but the only comparison I can come up with is a drug or alcohol addiction. I suffer from "stinkin' thinkin' " and it lets me talk myself into doing things that are dumb, dumb, dumb. I've reached a fitness level where it is taking some weight off and improving my physical feel, but then I fall into an old trap that I can do it all through exercise. And it just isn't true...

I'm sure anyone who reads this regularly is getting tired of seeing me reach the same conclusions over and over, but that is what I'm going to do until it sticks. Once again, I have low hope for the weigh-in next week, but that is three days away. I need to focus on tonight.

But, what do you do? You do what you need to, which is to start making better choices right now. And then tomorrow, you decide to make good choices again and then on Sunday, I'll have to decide that again. Maybe by not trying to solve my whole life, but just trying to solve the day at hand, I'll get better results.

Geez, I really do sound like a 12 stepper the more I do this. If anyone has a clue what it is I'm actually addicted to, I'm all ears.

Visiting an old friend

Nutrition update: I went to McDonald's today. I'm not sure if it was a test or a failure. It seemed like a rational decision when I chose it, but my mind is a sneaky bastard as I've pointed out before.

Actually I was just on the phone with my wife and we can now confirm it was rationalization. I was explaining to her that it occurred to me that I probably wasn't going to go the rest of my life without eating McDonald's so, I thought after all these weeks, I would try it. That way I could see if I could eat it reasonably and perhaps it wouldn't even taste good any more.

Yeah, that looks like BS even as I type it...

I will not return to McDonald's any time in the near future, there is no positive associated with being there. Now I wonder if I will have to fight the "give me some crap" urge that follows a fatty binge. It will all fit within my calorie plan, but nutritionally I should know better and I do. And of course, now my burps are gross.

Exercise update: I'm scheduled for just a 15 minute swim tonight. The weather is cool, so I'm going so supplement it with a long walk with Jake,the dog.

Update to the update: I swam for 20 minutes tonight. My dear wife walked the dog, so I just called it a day. With my McDeath lunch thrown in and a stealth cookie at work this afternoon, I am right up against my calories for the day. 20 minutes of swimming only burns so much. Tomorrow is scheduled as a rest day, so I think that can be "walk the dog for an hour" day. I'm having a three day weekend , so I should take advantage of it on the health side.

I continue to improve in the pool. I really appreciate the two sessions with Danni, it gives me some technique to think about.

I looked up my 2007 time at Castle Rock and was surprised to see that I used to run a lot faster than I do know. I did the whole thing in 1 hour and 32 minutes. If I can go under 1:40 this time I'll be happy, but next summer I'm going to be a sub 90 minute sprint Tri guy. In addition of course to completing an olympic distance race (the genesis of all these words)...

Random musings: This exercise thing does get easier in some ways as my kids get older. For instance, tonight I could take Hannah and her friend Rachel to the YMCA with me and they entertain each other while I swim laps. No worries about danger, because they both swim...swimmingly.

Give it a year or two and Anne and I can go run or bike together while the kids fend for themselves at home for an hour or two.

Speaking of my daughter and her pal, they would like me to plug their latest YouTube video. They are under the impression that I have a large following for my blog and they might get it to go viral. Any help you can provide in supporting that undeserved faith is appreciated.

It is called silly cat and it can be found here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCWI81Zmg5Y

They are aspiring filmmakers and this is the third in their original trilogy. The first two movies were about skateboarding shoes and this one shifts to the question of cats.

Run Forrest run...

Exercise update: Today was a win against myself. My training calendar says I am on the hook for a 40 minute easy run (plus some strength training). I had planned on that all day, but as always I let my day drag on at work. I then extended it by popping in on my boss to lament some of the days foibles and before I knew it I was headed home at least 45 minutes later than I had planned...

So, when this usually happens I just let working out go and that's where my head went today. I didn't go to the Y and in my head I started to rationalize that I had rest days in the schedule so I would just move one to today and double up later. Three days into the plan and I was undermining it already! But then I found some fortitude. I went home, ate a snack and simply ran later in the evening. It sounds simple, but overcoming my own habits and lethargy is a big deal for me. I felt like I acted committed tonight. I ran just under the 40 minutes allotted and then took the dog for a 25 minute cool down.

I can't get too cocky, I mapped the run and I still run at a turtle's pace and I didn't do the strength training. Lifting weights always seems easier at the Y. I'm not sure why I always prefer cardio to weights, but I know a 40 year old needs to lift if he hopes for physical transformation....and I do.

Nutrition update: For some odd reason, I haven't tracked my food at myfooddiary the last couple days. I'm not real sure why, but I need to get back to it tomorrow. I've been eating ok, but I can feel myself grabbing a handful of this or a handful of that when I don't have to report to the computer god.

So far, I'm ok (I think), but I'm not ready to go on my own. Maybe if I can track for a solid two weeks, I'll try a week on my own. But I'm not there yet.

My two June projects, adding a salad and eliminating soda have been spectacular failures thus far. I had my first salad today and I'm still drinking soda daily. Perhaps putting it out on the blog again will inspire me to make change. I'm not Anthony Weiner (although I have enough skeletons to never run for office), but I don't want to lie to myself about food either.

Random Musings: A warning to any reader who may want to be a boss someday. Today was a perfect example of why it just isn't worth it sometimes. I have been in the process of hiring a new faculty member. It's the most important thing I can do and I think we are going to hire a great one. But, just when I confirmed with all the references that our committee's choice was just as good as we thought they were, I remembered I was going to have to tell 5 other people they weren't getting hired.

One of those people has worked for me part-time for several years and I knew they would be very disappointed and perhaps angry. So, 10 seconds after the elation of finding someone I think will be great, I got to start with the anxiety of delivering bad news to someone I like. I wish I could say I contacted them and it was all smooth and cool, but not in this reality. When I called this person (because you really should call or see them in person, an email seems cruel), they were even more upset than I suspected.

Often your strength is also your weakness and in my case, it's the fact that I want everyone to feel ok all of the time. And when you destroy someone's dream, you just can't make that ok for them. I'm getting better at simply ending the conversation and taking whatever angry words I get (I'm more the target than the cause, although this time I'm both), but I'll never like it. It just means that I can't enjoy a day that had lot of good to it. So beware any aspiring administrators.

Sneaky result

Today was weigh in day. I knew that I hadn't performed well for the majority of the last week, and even last night a couple of molasses cookies made their way down my throat late at night.

However...today my weight looked to be at least even and even slightly down. I'll call it 195 lbs. to be conservative, but the fact is that there wasn't a clear repercussion for my sort of sad week.

My theory is that momentum carries you for a while if you have been exercising regularly. I remember that from my 1/2 marathon training. Even after my race, when i had shut it down and started eating whatever was handy, my weight didn't go up immediately. it was as if, I had stoked the fire and it burned a couple weeks longer than expected. While that may sound ok, it's actually dangerous, because I don't want to create the impression (even in my mind), that I don't need to pay attention all the time. I suspect next week's results may not reflect the hard work I will put in over the next 7 days, because my benefits and drawbacks seem to have a delay switch.

Exercise and nutrition update: Tuesday is my off day, so no formal exercise today. In fact it was even too hot for me to walk the dog (so Anne did it:)). I am proud to say that I kept my nutrition in hand though, which is a great improvement over a week ago today. My molasses cookies are no help at all and I'll be glad when they are gone.

Tomorrow is back to Tri training. I need to run for 40 minutes and do strength training for 20. At some point I need to hook up with my trainer again, but we have both been pretty busy.

All in all a strangely positive day. I won't misread the scale, but I do appreciate not paying too high a price for a bad week. Onward and upward.

If every day were like today

Deep thoughts: In many ways I should have stuck with teaching. I took today off from work and I think I am built for summer days with no job to have to go to...

Now I admit that the fact that my children are old enough to be pretty independent makes this reality a bit better than it would have been 5-6 years ago, but the fact is they are that old. So among the nice things I did today was accompany them to the pool. I don't necessarily have to get in the water with them any more (somedays I want to though so I do), so on a day like today when I don't want to, I sit and read a book. An hour to just read a book is such a gift. I could spend a lot of afternoons taking my kids to the pool before I got bored.

I am not a Type A person and the fact is that I need down time to accomplish things. In fact I need lots of down time to feel good and it's not always easy to admit that. I had to accept that when I was finishing college and had been trying to do it while working full-time. My mother had done it that way, the girl I was dating at the time had done it that way and I thought I should be able to also.

But I couldn't and when Iworked less and had down time, I was finally able to finish school. I'm a much better thinkier when I have more time to do so. What does that have to do with today? Well when I have down time on a summer day, I accomplish more of the things that matter to me and I make time to work out. I also don't spend any money, so I really am built to be off.

I'm not sure I really want to teach, but if someone could find a way to make my current job less than year round, I would listen intently:)

Exercise update: Today was the kick off of my Castle Rock Tri training. I swam for 30+ minutes at the YMCA pool. I've had a couple trainer sessions in the pool and I can feel a difference in how I swim. My wife would point out that she had given me much of the same advice, but it seems to stick better coming from someone I'm not sleeping with (sorry honey). I'm not fast in the water, but I do feel more efficient.

One of the ironies of this blog project is that there are results, just not always the ones I want. Swimming today was much easier than it would have been a few months ago. There is no doubt I am fitter, I'm just amazed at how you can be fit and fat at the same time.

I also noted when I made the training calendar for this event that I will be working out more than I have been. That was an eye opener. I knew I had been doing 30-60 minutes 4-5 days a week, but that really isn't that much if you are essentially sedentary the rest of the time. I'll be curious to see how a change to more of an event training focus will impact my weight and appearance goals.

On an "oh crap" note, I've been having some heel pain the last couple weeks. I fought a two year battle with plantar fasciitis from 2002-04. I do not want to go back there again, it is debilitating. I've returned to chiropractic care for it, which was the only thing that worked last time, so I hope I've cut it off at the pass.

Nutrition update: Today has been solid. When I'm home and busy (kids to pool, trip to Y, chiro appt, etc.), I tend to eat less. I'm not necessarily eating better nutritionally, but the calories are ok and in fact it is better nutritionally because I stay away from the burger joints. In fact, I took my kids to McDeath today and passed on it for myself. I think that addiction has been broken!. Of course fast food is a sneaky asshole, so I'll need to keep my eye out.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and frankly my expectations are low. If you've been reading, you know I've had a difficult 7 days since the last one. It's almost a form of self-sabotage. Last Tuesday was good so I drifted for three days to undermine myself. Good Lord, I am really a junkie of some kind. I can't name what I'm addicted to, but I am self-destructive.

Regardless of my low expectations, I'm ok with whatever tomorrow brings. I feel like I've learned a lot on the last few days. I've learned about my bingy habits and how I need to moderate to avoid them. Last night I learned that Domino's pizza makes me feel ill at 2:00 a.m. I think that's a sign that my body is starting to reject the garbage I offer it. Now I just need to find alternatives and untangle food from emotional comfort.

I must admit this whole deal is really, really slow (and maybe boring to read about), but it feels like permanent change and that is worth the time....I hope...

I'll report weigh in results tomorrow and I'm 8 days away from photo updates (he types reluctantly)

Tri Training starts tomorrow

I spent some time this afternoon marking out a 7 week calendar to the Castle Rock Sprint Triathlon on July 23rd. It felt very motivating. I did that one in 2007, but this feels like a new start. That was a long time ago and my physical reclamation project is bigger now.

I think this will really help with motivation and focus. The trick will be to get to it and then train beyond it for the Urbanthlon. My history is that I work up to an event and then crash afterward, which can go from a couple well earned days of rest and then suddenly it's been 6 months since I moved...

I am guarding against that this summer by training gradually and planning on simply finishing the triathlon rather than worry about speed.

Exercise and Nutrition update: I took an active rest day today after my bike ride from yesterday took more out of me than expected. Perhaps it was the heat or it was my age, but I was sore this morning and I'm rarely sore from bike riding...other than my ass.

It's interesting to see that the triathlon plan I'm using actually has more rest days than I currently take per week. That will make monitoring my diet even more important on the off days. I'm going to do my best to trust the schedule and enjoy the process. I must admit, taking my little sister to an event does add some joy to the whole thing. it will be great to see her finish this thing. It would be a bigger accomplishment, except she already went to 1/2 marathon land this spring, so she's got the lungs for it. She just needs to get on the bike and conquer our Midwestern fear of swimming.

On the food side, I've had a pretty good day. I am having pizza tonight, but I am doing it intentionally. Maybe that's rationalizing, but I need to learn to eat it responsibly. It is pretty much my favorite food on the planet.

Random Musings: I am taking a day or two of vacation at the beginning of this week which will be nice. I must admit that when my kids are off school and we go to the pool and plan trips etc. I do miss the ability to have the whole summer off.
I am keeping a close eye on what's happening at my school with the labor situation in case a return tot he calssroom ever makes sense.
I told some people at our GED gradaution on Friday, my title is Dean but my profession is teacher. I think that true:)

If you ever get a chance, go to a GED graduation (especially ours). It' s a great night to see people who have taken the long way around educationally and are getting on better footing to improve their lives. I'm always inspired by them.

Regaining momentum

I am mostly back on track today. I am still astounded at the domino effect my bad choices early in the week made. I can't imagine I'll have a successful weigh in on Tuesday, but I do feel like I've begun the long obedience in the same direction again.

Exercise update: I was able to get back out on my bicycle today. I went for 41 minutes and somewhere just north of 10 miles. I'm not trying to really do any serious hills yet or anything, just getting my legs under me. It was fun. I think other than playing basketball (which I gave up years ago), riding my bike is my favorite exercise.

I also spent a 1/2 hour mowing the lawn, which in this heat burned some calories. We have one of those mowers with no engine for those of you snickering at me adding lawn mowing to my exercise list:) Tomorrow's exercise related project is to chart out every work out between now and the July 23rd triathlon. I have 7 weeks and I want to be as intentional with it as I can. I don't have aspirations of going fast, but I'd like to string 7 good weeks together and come to the race somewhere south of 190. That's still big, but it would be real progress.

Nutrition update: Today is the first day in a few that I've faithfully tracked my food on myfooddiary.com. It would indicate that am within my calorie limits, but light on vegetables and a little high on saturated fats. I am glad to say that my no french fry plan has extended into June. I am unhappy to say that the no diet soda plan has yet to really take effect.

I am trying to cut down on soda, but the headaches, fatigue and dark moods that come with caffeine withdrawal are hard to schedule:) I know that is evidence of how serious my addiction is and sooner or later I need to just get it done. I'll try to cut way back this week with an eye on elimination of soda by next weekend.

I also know that I need to get some vegetables in the mix. I think I'll get some salad fixings and just start dinner with a side salad this week to build a habit.

Random stuff: I took my children to the pool today for opening day. Faithful readers will remember one of my goals for this work on my health was to be less self-conscious at the pool.
I am not there yet and it felt like I haven't been serious enough if I can go to the pool almost 2 months after I started blogging and be as far as I am from the goal of someone thinking "hey for 40 that dude is fit"

I will try to move past the blaming myself and use it as motivation. By the time I go to the triathlon on July 23rd, I want to feel a whole lot better at the pool and I will. That part seems to be a lot about diet and strength training.

I am admitting that I have a problem

Well, I am finally convinced that my behavior with health is truly that of an addict. I so easily spiral into bad choices,that it only makes sense in the context of addiction. I'm not sure why I'm addicted to (maybe stupidity or slow suicide by food), but let me explain.

Regular readers will know that on Tuesday, I had what can only be described as a relapse. I went out with friends and indulged in some beers and greasy bar food. Probably not a big deal as a stand alone day, but let's look at the chain of events since.

Tuesday: Bar time with friends. Was less than moderate and took the whole day off from diet and exercise

Wednesday: Didn't feel great from day before and ditched workout for long walk instead. Diet was ok, but overcompensated and ended up with nasty heartburn, which meant I didn't sleep well.

Thursday: Now the momentum has shifted and a very long day at work leads to "skip the Y and go home to work out, wait I am home and I'm late and tired..." That in turn leads to no workout and why don't we order pizza. And of course one could eat just some pizza but instead let's have 6 slices.

I don't know what else to call that but a 3 day bender. I am engaging in addict behavior...


So, like any recovering addict, I just tried to start over today. I have not tracked my food online today, but I know I've eaten more reasonably. And even though I have a very long day again, with the GED graduation this evening on top of it, I got my butt to the Y and put in 42 minutes on the elliptical. And thus starts recovery one day at a time.

Tomorrow, I need to get back to food tracking and keep the exercise momentum going.

So, what's the lesson. I guess the same way AA tells people to simply decide they won't drink TODAY, I need to commit daily to my health. I am stunned at how fast one bad day turns into three...

Today I will live in a way that reflects my wellness goals. Tomorrow I'll decide again.

Taking the day off

Fatigue has won today's battle, nothing new or interesting to report. More tomorrow...

Recovery Day

Well today confirms that I should not get very involved with alcohol at this point in my life. I've always been a bit of a lightweight, but its gotten silly. I think I had 4 bottles of Miller Lite when I was out with friends for 3.5 hours last night and I woke up with a headache. I think I need a two beer limit for the foreseeable future.

I also can note that by eating junk last night, my craving for junk went up today. I managed to resist it for the most part (with one notable exception), but it is amazing. I read somewhere once that the idea of a fatty food binge and then cutting back is a poor idea because, the binge leads to withdrawal and more desire for crap. I would have to say that's entirely true in my experience. It's very odd because, drinking 4 beers and eating deep fried food doesn't even feel that great physically when I'm doing it. Even though my brain seems to like it, there seems to be a 36 hour price to pay. On to today's news...

Exercise Update: I had plans to go to Y today after work, but that didn't work out. I had heartburn from not eating enough (more on that later) and I was just plain tired from my fried food/beer bonanza on Tuesday. Instead I chose an hour long walk with my dog. It's not really cardio, but it burns some calories and reduces stress. Oh yeah and the dog loves it. I'm almost caught up with WTF podcasts. If anyone has time on their hands, I recommend the Garry Shandling episode.


Nutrition update: After yesterday's bump in the road, I needed to get back on track today. That was kind of hard. I started the day with yogurt and an apple. I had half a scone at lengthy meeting at work (those could be a whole blog by themselves. My unpublished and unwritten book will be called Buzzwords & BS One man's Journey through American Education).

So, my morning was pretty manageable, although absent any vegetables. I also had a Diet Pepsi, so my June project will need a Mulligan. Then I decided to duck home for lunch and I made a ham sandwich. I didn't make anything else, so that was a pretty light lunch. The consequence of that was that by 4:00 I was starving and by 4:30 I had vicious heartburn. That in turn sent me home to gorge on 3 molasses cookies in about 4 minutes and then walk rather than workout.

It's really a remarkable chain from overindulging one day to overcompensating the next, which leads to overindulging again. I've managed to keep dinner reasonable and shut it down for the night, but recovering from yesterday's adventures has meant feeling sub-par all day today. I guess the lesson is the level of intentionality with food must stay high for me to be the athlete I'm trying to become.

Random Musings: I'm interviewing 6 English teachers tomorrow to join my oddball unit of Basic Skill Instructors tomorrow (17 full-time instructors serving some of the toughest to serve students around). Hiring is the most exciting and frustrating thing I do. I hope we get someone great. One of my college mentors said if you ever get to build a teaching staff, focus on hiring interesting people because you will spend a lot of time together. I think that is brilliant, but the corollary is that interesting often lives right next door to insane...and it can be hard to tell the difference right away. Wish me luck identifying someone interesting who helps us be great.