Exercise update: I downshifted today and just took the dog for an hour long walk. It was a nice chance to catch up with podcasts and just stretch my legs. It only burns about 200 calories though which makes meeting my daily goals a little tougher than spin class did yesterday. Tomorrow, it's back to the Y. Not sure if I'll do the pool or elliptical and weights. With the Urbanathlon on the calendar, some strength training seems in order.
Oh yeah, my secret workout today is a new video game in our house. We got Dance Party Two for the Wii and I have been dancing my ass off.
Nutrition update: All is good. I went with Lindy's subs for lunch. I bought for the office since it was the last day for a secretary who was retiring. We have banana bread at home, which is always tough on me because it is so good and easy to eat half a loaf without thinking. But as of now, 7:50, I am good with a little room left for some yogurt or something at bed time. It's always instructive to see what fits when I don't work out harder.
Random musings:So I think this blog is in many ways about putting everything out for viewing. It might be pictures, thoughts, frustrations, questions, but it's all on the table. I was pondering why that is and I think it is because for a long time, I kept lots of things to myself and that is how I got where I am, for good and for bad.
If the idea is supposed to be to go against my natural instincts (Thank you George Costanza) so that I'm not stuck in the insanity loop of doing the same thing and hoping for new results, then I'm putting it all out there, even when it feels weird.
So here is my dilemma about school and work and life. I'll try to describe the options that spin endlessly in my head:
1. Edgewood has confirmed that I can begin my EdD this summer if I want to. That should be good news, but I can't bring myself to decide to do it. All I know is that each time I've taken a class or gotten ready to in the last couple years, my stress level goes through the roof and I'm not the person I want to be. In fact, last summer I got shingles just thinking about starting a program in the summer. I deferred it to fall and ended up having a great summer vacation with some of the lowest stress level ever. I took the course in the fall instead and was a raving lunatic (but I did get an A). Those classes were online, this one meets 7-8 Saturdays a semester. I like face to face, but I don't like being gone all the time.
So, obviously I shouldn't pursue that right? Well I wish my mind would let it be that simple. Instead, my anxiety ridden soul worries about whether it has consequences at work. If I'm not on the track to advancement, am I on the track to being forgotten or discarded? Of course, no one orders me to get a doctorate (my master's was required, that was easier really because I had to). Instead, I'm encouraged and told how needed I am (that plays to me very strongly) and how I'm the "next generation of leader." Much of me would like to just be the Basic Skills Dean that I am and advocate for the marginalized, but that can feel at risk too (what if they want us all to be "Dr. Somebody" someday). Of course, I'm also nervous that if I choose to not pursue a terminal degree, people will think I can't and of course, I hate when anyone thinks I can't do something, even if I don't want to do it. It's sort of like being troubled and surprised when you find out someone you don't like doesn't like you (this has happened to me more than once).
So option one is keep chasing more education and endure the stress and loss of family time and balance (which probably impacts my fitness) and see where my career goes. I suppose the most money lies down this trail too, and as someone who feels like he was too poor for too long, that matters. I suppose there is a corollary to this one, that if I choose not to right now, the option doesn't disappear. I'm 40 not dead (epiphany warning, that felt like a genuine insight). In fact there are real strong rumors of a program here in town in 3 years or so.
2. Option 2 says continue doing what you are doing know while setting yourself up to do something else later (wow I think I might have just gone 2nd or third person). I went to college at age 18 with the intention of majoring in psychology. But what I really wanted to be was a counselor, I just wasn't smart enough to know that you didn't need the psych major to do that and I freaked out at the first statistics course and switched majors. I often ponder finding that career as a counselor. So, I could continue my current work while getting a second Master's degree in counseling, which would be my alternate thing to do, if my career at Western got to a place I didn't want to be in. I should mention that my employer provides generous help with going to school, which really does open up the menu of options, both good and bad.
Of course I'm not sure another Master's degree is the most balanced option either but it is less money and closer (Winona) than Madison. And I think I have enough life mileage on me, that I have something to bring to others. My empathy meter is pretty high.
3. Option 3 is just stay put and see if I can get away with it. While I stay in my Dean's job (which right now is the only administrative job at my college that makes sense for me, I don't feel in step with lots of other parts of the place), I could slowly take more classes for a move to the Basic Skills classroom if I want to do something different. I would like the direct impact of the classroom, but the repetition is an issue for me. I love to present in a classroom or workshop and interact with students, but I do wonder about doing it every day for years.
Of course, this path is the most balanced and helps create life space to chase my fitness goals, develop some interests and perhaps avoid become the work and career obsessed person I'm afraid I'm becoming.
So that's me in a nutshell, frightening huh...
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