Hey, another successful weigh-in. Last weeks pessimistic viewing put me at 196 and today's kind of optimistic look at the scale said 195! It's never quite exact with our old school scale, but the downward movement continues...
I'm hoping to get another pound by next Tuesday, but we'll see. Based on the wiggling needle on the scale, it will need to be an exemplary week to get that pound since it might be a pound plus a wee bit more.
Exercise and Nutrition update: Today was my off day and I probably took that a bit too literally. I did not have any organized work out and I went out with some friends for happy hour. I ate poppers and wings, which actually would have fit my limits. However I added multiple Miller Lites to the process (my brain said Lite beer was ok). My math tonight would seem to show that I'm 410 calories over what would maintain my weight and 800+ over what my target for losing weight is.
I have designated Tuesday as indulgence day, but this is a bit much. One less beer and just wings or just poppers and I probably would have been fine. Add in a 30 minute walk with the dog (which I didn't) and things get manageable. File it under lessons learned. Still not good at social eating, but being with work friends was good for stress.
I guess I am still concerned that I associate greasy food, acohol and stress relief. I need to build better options. I need friends that like to do active stuff too maybe??
Random Musings: Well I made a decision today. I declined the offer to be in Edgewood's doctoral cohort. I'm sure I'll have a bit of buyer's remorse, but at the end of the day, I think I was considering doing it because of imagined repercussions for not doing it. That just doesn't seem an adequate reason to take on that much time and stress. 8 Saturdays this fall away from home (plus constant homework and stress) was not ok with me.
I also like that I made a decision instead of not deciding and letting inertia take me wherever it did. I've done that too much in the past to do it anymore. I make my choices and I deal with the consequences...
My friend Amy (who knows these things) assures me that Viterbo will have options down the road if I need a doctorate and their is always St. Mary's in Winona. For now, I'm just going to try to pause and try to be in the present at work. I'm so often focused on what's next, that I don't engage with what's now.
I think I'm ok with my own call, although I still have to tell my boss sooner or later. I guess possibly missing out on a promotion should be less important to me than missing out on my family.
And of course, this leaves me time to focus on my health, which is the point of this whole blogging exercise. I want to maintain and grow my non-work interests and fitness is primary among them.
Happy Tuesday and I'll be back on the wagon tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
A brief update
Exercise update: Today was a 2011 milestone. I took my bike outdoors for the first time this year. It seems kind of pathetic that I didn't get out until May 30th, but I am a bit of a weather weenie. Today was just 10 miles, but it felt good. There was a strong headwind going out but I was able to fly coming back in. I stuck mostly to the flats today and used low gears to protect my knees.
I do love riding that bike. It's the best overpriced thing I ever bought. Running makes me feel fit, strength training prevents aging and swimming is challenging, but riding my bike is just fun. I suspect that if I'd gotten into it earlier in life, it's maybe the only area I might have had natural athletic talent in. Unfortunately as an adult, I hate riding in groups and elite bike riders are often my height...but 50 pounds lighter:). I'll stick to triathlon. My ride did burn 500 calories according to myfooddiary.com, so I've got that going for me.
Nutrition update: Today has been more balanced than yesterday and leaves me pretty full at 8:44 in the evening. We took the kids to the Trempealeau Hotel for lunch, which besides being a place I have fond feelings for (met and married my wife there), is a great place to eat because they don't serve french fries! That means I am one day away from meeting my goal of no fries for a month. I will make it.
I may regret one of my choices today when I weigh in tomorrow. I had lots of calories left headed into dinner, so went for the Tombstone pizza with my son. It didn't put me over the calorie limit, but pepperoni does seem to make me retain fluid. After a pretty solid week, I hate to have my weigh in spoiled by something so silly. I guess I'll know more in about 10 hours.
With May dedicated to eliminating my old friend the French Fry, I need a June diet goal. What I've selected is to stop drinking Diet Pepsi. This one could be tougher. Primarily because a lack of french fries doesn't give me searing headaches. I've stocked up on Excedrin and seltzer water, so I should be ok in a couple weeks. As with the fast food addiction, I'll need a few successful days before I stop missing it so much. Besides the health benefits, I figure I spend $3 a day on the crap. Over 260 work days, that's significant money.
Deep Thoughts: I just got some new books in the mail. I started reading the behind the scenes on ESPN called Those Guys have all the Fun. Pretty fascinating in the first 50 pages or so. I really liked the similar book about Saturday Night Live, so I hope this one is good too.
This week is GED graduation so I have to dust off my suit and see if it fits. I get to give a short address and announce the grads on Friday night. It's always one of my favorite nights of the year. You can almost guarantee one of the student speakers will say something that will stick with you and it's powerful to see the end result of the day to day work we do. My Dad always told me that education is a great job because each year has a beginning and ending. I think he might have meant he liked summer vacation, but even as a year round employee (I'm on the dark side, administration), I appreciate that cycle.
I do love riding that bike. It's the best overpriced thing I ever bought. Running makes me feel fit, strength training prevents aging and swimming is challenging, but riding my bike is just fun. I suspect that if I'd gotten into it earlier in life, it's maybe the only area I might have had natural athletic talent in. Unfortunately as an adult, I hate riding in groups and elite bike riders are often my height...but 50 pounds lighter:). I'll stick to triathlon. My ride did burn 500 calories according to myfooddiary.com, so I've got that going for me.
Nutrition update: Today has been more balanced than yesterday and leaves me pretty full at 8:44 in the evening. We took the kids to the Trempealeau Hotel for lunch, which besides being a place I have fond feelings for (met and married my wife there), is a great place to eat because they don't serve french fries! That means I am one day away from meeting my goal of no fries for a month. I will make it.
I may regret one of my choices today when I weigh in tomorrow. I had lots of calories left headed into dinner, so went for the Tombstone pizza with my son. It didn't put me over the calorie limit, but pepperoni does seem to make me retain fluid. After a pretty solid week, I hate to have my weigh in spoiled by something so silly. I guess I'll know more in about 10 hours.
With May dedicated to eliminating my old friend the French Fry, I need a June diet goal. What I've selected is to stop drinking Diet Pepsi. This one could be tougher. Primarily because a lack of french fries doesn't give me searing headaches. I've stocked up on Excedrin and seltzer water, so I should be ok in a couple weeks. As with the fast food addiction, I'll need a few successful days before I stop missing it so much. Besides the health benefits, I figure I spend $3 a day on the crap. Over 260 work days, that's significant money.
Deep Thoughts: I just got some new books in the mail. I started reading the behind the scenes on ESPN called Those Guys have all the Fun. Pretty fascinating in the first 50 pages or so. I really liked the similar book about Saturday Night Live, so I hope this one is good too.
This week is GED graduation so I have to dust off my suit and see if it fits. I get to give a short address and announce the grads on Friday night. It's always one of my favorite nights of the year. You can almost guarantee one of the student speakers will say something that will stick with you and it's powerful to see the end result of the day to day work we do. My Dad always told me that education is a great job because each year has a beginning and ending. I think he might have meant he liked summer vacation, but even as a year round employee (I'm on the dark side, administration), I appreciate that cycle.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
All calories are not created equal
Nutrition update: I learned an important lesson today. If history is any guide, I'll need to learn it several more times before it sticks, but here it is.
- Counting calories is not enough, the quality of the calories matter and so does the timing.
Here's how I know. It has been a nice lazy Sunday at my house. No real plans, one kid a little under the weather, so we just kind of hung out. It seemed like a nice day to take my son to a movie, so we settled on catching Thor in 3-D. I liked it, he found it a bit slow between fighting scenes, but that isn't the point. The point is that I like movie candy and I fixated on having some Dots at the movie. I thought I was being pretty slick and just had a PBJ sandwich at lunchtime which left me a calorie budget for candy. It also left me too hungry..,
Hunger is an enemy to my success. It seeps into my brain and turns on the rationalizations at full speed. Today my friend hunger got me to believe that I had a right to full size box of movie Dots. I even did the math and saw it was 650 calories, but somehow I thought that was ok because I'd make up for it in the gym. When I arrived home, I plugged it into myfooddiary.com and realized I had a lot of work to do if I planned on eating dinner tonight. In addition, I realized I was still vaguely hungry and didn't feel that great.
So the lesson is to plan and manage my eating better. A slightly larger lunch sends me to the movies less famished and I would be able to make rational choices. I might pass on candy or just eat part of a box. Instead I had to work my ass off in the gym tonight and I was just burning off wasted calories. Food should be fuel, not always a reward.
Exercise update: My penance workout today included 25 minutes on the spin bike, 25 minutes on the elliptical machine and 20 minutes walking the dog. This matched the box of Dots and got me back to even. It was also a lot of work and it was my third day working out in a row. One of the joys of being 40 is I simply don't recover as well as I once did. That leaves me with the need to work out tomorrow (weigh in is Tuesday, so I want to be ready), but not a great amount of energy to do so. My lack of recovery ability could be an entire blog topic. It's really noticeable to me for the first time. I got slow a long time ago, but this is the first real sign of being older to hit home with me...
My goal for tomorrow is to get in the pool and to write up my 8 week plan of attack for my triathlon in July. Hopefully I'll be ready for a good weigh in on Tuesday as well.
Random Musings: I was invited to a graduation party for a former student over the weekend. Not that big a deal, except I haven't been a teacher since 2002. This student was in the first class I ever taught, 2nd grade in West Salem in 2000-01. She'll never know what a big deal it was to me to get that invite. My teaching career was pretty short and when you leave it as quickly as I did, you aren't sure if you were any good at it or made a difference. Even if this young woman was simply being nice (or fishing for tuition bucks:), being remembered 10 years later was a pretty great moment for me.
I'm also pretty close to a decision on school for me. I'm leaning against, since my main reason for going is fear of what might happen if I don't. Fear based decisions wear you out, I think I'd like to stop making them...
- Counting calories is not enough, the quality of the calories matter and so does the timing.
Here's how I know. It has been a nice lazy Sunday at my house. No real plans, one kid a little under the weather, so we just kind of hung out. It seemed like a nice day to take my son to a movie, so we settled on catching Thor in 3-D. I liked it, he found it a bit slow between fighting scenes, but that isn't the point. The point is that I like movie candy and I fixated on having some Dots at the movie. I thought I was being pretty slick and just had a PBJ sandwich at lunchtime which left me a calorie budget for candy. It also left me too hungry..,
Hunger is an enemy to my success. It seeps into my brain and turns on the rationalizations at full speed. Today my friend hunger got me to believe that I had a right to full size box of movie Dots. I even did the math and saw it was 650 calories, but somehow I thought that was ok because I'd make up for it in the gym. When I arrived home, I plugged it into myfooddiary.com and realized I had a lot of work to do if I planned on eating dinner tonight. In addition, I realized I was still vaguely hungry and didn't feel that great.
So the lesson is to plan and manage my eating better. A slightly larger lunch sends me to the movies less famished and I would be able to make rational choices. I might pass on candy or just eat part of a box. Instead I had to work my ass off in the gym tonight and I was just burning off wasted calories. Food should be fuel, not always a reward.
Exercise update: My penance workout today included 25 minutes on the spin bike, 25 minutes on the elliptical machine and 20 minutes walking the dog. This matched the box of Dots and got me back to even. It was also a lot of work and it was my third day working out in a row. One of the joys of being 40 is I simply don't recover as well as I once did. That leaves me with the need to work out tomorrow (weigh in is Tuesday, so I want to be ready), but not a great amount of energy to do so. My lack of recovery ability could be an entire blog topic. It's really noticeable to me for the first time. I got slow a long time ago, but this is the first real sign of being older to hit home with me...
My goal for tomorrow is to get in the pool and to write up my 8 week plan of attack for my triathlon in July. Hopefully I'll be ready for a good weigh in on Tuesday as well.
Random Musings: I was invited to a graduation party for a former student over the weekend. Not that big a deal, except I haven't been a teacher since 2002. This student was in the first class I ever taught, 2nd grade in West Salem in 2000-01. She'll never know what a big deal it was to me to get that invite. My teaching career was pretty short and when you leave it as quickly as I did, you aren't sure if you were any good at it or made a difference. Even if this young woman was simply being nice (or fishing for tuition bucks:), being remembered 10 years later was a pretty great moment for me.
I'm also pretty close to a decision on school for me. I'm leaning against, since my main reason for going is fear of what might happen if I don't. Fear based decisions wear you out, I think I'd like to stop making them...
Saturday, May 28, 2011
May 28th
Exercise update: Today I ran for 35 minutes outside. It was slow and plodding but I think I did ok. I'm still using a sort of Galloway method to lengthen my runs. For those who don't know what the Galloway method is, it's simply to mix in walking breaks, beginning early in your run. The rest plus balanced use of muscles, allows you to perform better. When I ran a half marathon is 2007, I used that approach for the first 10 miles and ran 2:01 for the the half. I also walked the dog for 30 minutes to get to my 60 minutes of movement. Tomorrow, I'm thinking hiking and swimming are what I want to do. If you'd like to learn more go to http://www.jeffgalloway.com/
Tonight's version was modified since the run was shorter. I increased the amount of running time after each walking break. For example, I ran 5 minutes, walked 1, ran 6, walked 1 etc. As I've noted before, running fitness seems to be the gold standard for me. I can go for an hour on the elliptical, but 30 minutes of running is still a challenge. Obviously shedding some weight will make a difference in that area as well.
Today marks 8 weeks until the Castle Rock Tri. That means tomorrow, I'll sit down and work on a strong training plan. I have a couple books that have served me well in the past. I feel pretty heavy for a triathlon, so I hope to lose 8 lbs. in 8 weeks, so I can be solidly under 190 by then. That's still big, but should feel better.
Nutrition update: Today is not a success. I'll be within the guidelines for weight maintenance, but have exceeded the target for losing a pound a week. The culprit is clear though. When it came to dinner time, I didn't really do a meal, I just started eating "small" portions of snack type stuff around the house. I thought that my exercise calories would leave me plenty of room to eat several things.
Nope. The lesson is that I need to be cognizant of what goes in and plan more. Whenever I use my estimating skills, I underestimate what I ate. This was evidence by my malt from Culver's last week that I estimated at 500 calories, that turned out to be over 800! That's a big rounding error. Before a snack binge occurs again, I'll use my tools to make sure I'm ok. I'm glad I didn't blow it entirely, but it does mean that at 7:30 in the evening, i really should stop eating for the day. I'm usually up until 11:00, so ouch...
Random thoughts: I knew my wife had been quietly working on getting fitter (she does things quietly, I blog to the planet, opposites attract?), but today I could tell that she was clearly making some progress (yes that means she looks good). When I asked how much weight she had lost, I was a bit depressed to learn it was clearly more than me. My competitive streak flared, but mostly I need to learn from what she's doing.
I suspect she is more diligent about getting accurate nutritional info in her myfooddiary, whereas I'm still a bit approximate. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll turn envy into support and teamwork. We often joke how we seem to take turns being fit in our house. It would be nice to both be fit at once. As the kids get older, we can get back to the activities we liked before they took over the house:)
Tonight's version was modified since the run was shorter. I increased the amount of running time after each walking break. For example, I ran 5 minutes, walked 1, ran 6, walked 1 etc. As I've noted before, running fitness seems to be the gold standard for me. I can go for an hour on the elliptical, but 30 minutes of running is still a challenge. Obviously shedding some weight will make a difference in that area as well.
Today marks 8 weeks until the Castle Rock Tri. That means tomorrow, I'll sit down and work on a strong training plan. I have a couple books that have served me well in the past. I feel pretty heavy for a triathlon, so I hope to lose 8 lbs. in 8 weeks, so I can be solidly under 190 by then. That's still big, but should feel better.
Nutrition update: Today is not a success. I'll be within the guidelines for weight maintenance, but have exceeded the target for losing a pound a week. The culprit is clear though. When it came to dinner time, I didn't really do a meal, I just started eating "small" portions of snack type stuff around the house. I thought that my exercise calories would leave me plenty of room to eat several things.
Nope. The lesson is that I need to be cognizant of what goes in and plan more. Whenever I use my estimating skills, I underestimate what I ate. This was evidence by my malt from Culver's last week that I estimated at 500 calories, that turned out to be over 800! That's a big rounding error. Before a snack binge occurs again, I'll use my tools to make sure I'm ok. I'm glad I didn't blow it entirely, but it does mean that at 7:30 in the evening, i really should stop eating for the day. I'm usually up until 11:00, so ouch...
Random thoughts: I knew my wife had been quietly working on getting fitter (she does things quietly, I blog to the planet, opposites attract?), but today I could tell that she was clearly making some progress (yes that means she looks good). When I asked how much weight she had lost, I was a bit depressed to learn it was clearly more than me. My competitive streak flared, but mostly I need to learn from what she's doing.
I suspect she is more diligent about getting accurate nutritional info in her myfooddiary, whereas I'm still a bit approximate. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll turn envy into support and teamwork. We often joke how we seem to take turns being fit in our house. It would be nice to both be fit at once. As the kids get older, we can get back to the activities we liked before they took over the house:)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Now back to our regular programming
After devolving into my own special brand of career psychosis the last couple days (can you imagine living with me), let's move back to health and fitness...
Exercise update: Today felt good. I went 42 minutes on the elliptical and spent 20 minutes working my way around the cybex circuit. That my friends is a solid hour, even if the elliptical is a bit weenie like:). I even threw in an extra set of ab exercises for good measure. After six weeks or so of doing regular workouts, I definitely feel fitter. As often noted, I'm not feeling the weight loss love, but definitely fitter. I truly believe good things will follow.
I'm very enthused about committing to the Urbanathlon in October. I love new things, sorta, and that is definitely new. I've done a half marathon, I've done short triathlons (and will do another this summer), but I've never done a 10 mile obstacle race. Even better to have someone to do it with, anyone else want to join me and young Brian? Also on the good news front, I think my little sister Jessica is committing to the Castle Rock Triathlon with me, right Jess?
Nutrition update: Remarkably enough, the satanic french fry tried to crawl back into my life today. I think I waited too long for lunch and being that hungry sends my brain right to "you can do it once" mode. After a lengthy internal struggle, well it wasn't that lengthy but it felt that way, I went with a salad and veggie pizza slice. Victory!!! I feel like such an AA guy. I can't ever say I'm over fast food, I just have to decide each day not to eat it. I guess maybe I'll have to do step one and admit I have a problem.
Good news for tonight... Between my workout and food management today, I have 1000 calories available for take out pizza tonight. Friday night family pizza. I hope I can manage it without going to the land of 8 slices... I'll report back on that tomorrow. So far I've pieced together a reasonable week since my last weigh in. If I can get through the holiday weekend, perhaps I'll have two successful ones in a row. How do those biggest loser people lose 10 lbs. a week? That can't be good can it?
Random Addition: I love Bob Dylan, here's a favorite lyric from a song of fairly recent vintage. The best thing about Dylan is it means whatever you want it to mean.
Enjoy the long weekend if you get one.
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed
Exercise update: Today felt good. I went 42 minutes on the elliptical and spent 20 minutes working my way around the cybex circuit. That my friends is a solid hour, even if the elliptical is a bit weenie like:). I even threw in an extra set of ab exercises for good measure. After six weeks or so of doing regular workouts, I definitely feel fitter. As often noted, I'm not feeling the weight loss love, but definitely fitter. I truly believe good things will follow.
I'm very enthused about committing to the Urbanathlon in October. I love new things, sorta, and that is definitely new. I've done a half marathon, I've done short triathlons (and will do another this summer), but I've never done a 10 mile obstacle race. Even better to have someone to do it with, anyone else want to join me and young Brian? Also on the good news front, I think my little sister Jessica is committing to the Castle Rock Triathlon with me, right Jess?
Nutrition update: Remarkably enough, the satanic french fry tried to crawl back into my life today. I think I waited too long for lunch and being that hungry sends my brain right to "you can do it once" mode. After a lengthy internal struggle, well it wasn't that lengthy but it felt that way, I went with a salad and veggie pizza slice. Victory!!! I feel like such an AA guy. I can't ever say I'm over fast food, I just have to decide each day not to eat it. I guess maybe I'll have to do step one and admit I have a problem.
Good news for tonight... Between my workout and food management today, I have 1000 calories available for take out pizza tonight. Friday night family pizza. I hope I can manage it without going to the land of 8 slices... I'll report back on that tomorrow. So far I've pieced together a reasonable week since my last weigh in. If I can get through the holiday weekend, perhaps I'll have two successful ones in a row. How do those biggest loser people lose 10 lbs. a week? That can't be good can it?
Random Addition: I love Bob Dylan, here's a favorite lyric from a song of fairly recent vintage. The best thing about Dylan is it means whatever you want it to mean.
Enjoy the long weekend if you get one.
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Making up your mind (warning, it's a long one)
Exercise update: I downshifted today and just took the dog for an hour long walk. It was a nice chance to catch up with podcasts and just stretch my legs. It only burns about 200 calories though which makes meeting my daily goals a little tougher than spin class did yesterday. Tomorrow, it's back to the Y. Not sure if I'll do the pool or elliptical and weights. With the Urbanathlon on the calendar, some strength training seems in order.
Oh yeah, my secret workout today is a new video game in our house. We got Dance Party Two for the Wii and I have been dancing my ass off.
Nutrition update: All is good. I went with Lindy's subs for lunch. I bought for the office since it was the last day for a secretary who was retiring. We have banana bread at home, which is always tough on me because it is so good and easy to eat half a loaf without thinking. But as of now, 7:50, I am good with a little room left for some yogurt or something at bed time. It's always instructive to see what fits when I don't work out harder.
Random musings:So I think this blog is in many ways about putting everything out for viewing. It might be pictures, thoughts, frustrations, questions, but it's all on the table. I was pondering why that is and I think it is because for a long time, I kept lots of things to myself and that is how I got where I am, for good and for bad.
If the idea is supposed to be to go against my natural instincts (Thank you George Costanza) so that I'm not stuck in the insanity loop of doing the same thing and hoping for new results, then I'm putting it all out there, even when it feels weird.
So here is my dilemma about school and work and life. I'll try to describe the options that spin endlessly in my head:
1. Edgewood has confirmed that I can begin my EdD this summer if I want to. That should be good news, but I can't bring myself to decide to do it. All I know is that each time I've taken a class or gotten ready to in the last couple years, my stress level goes through the roof and I'm not the person I want to be. In fact, last summer I got shingles just thinking about starting a program in the summer. I deferred it to fall and ended up having a great summer vacation with some of the lowest stress level ever. I took the course in the fall instead and was a raving lunatic (but I did get an A). Those classes were online, this one meets 7-8 Saturdays a semester. I like face to face, but I don't like being gone all the time.
So, obviously I shouldn't pursue that right? Well I wish my mind would let it be that simple. Instead, my anxiety ridden soul worries about whether it has consequences at work. If I'm not on the track to advancement, am I on the track to being forgotten or discarded? Of course, no one orders me to get a doctorate (my master's was required, that was easier really because I had to). Instead, I'm encouraged and told how needed I am (that plays to me very strongly) and how I'm the "next generation of leader." Much of me would like to just be the Basic Skills Dean that I am and advocate for the marginalized, but that can feel at risk too (what if they want us all to be "Dr. Somebody" someday). Of course, I'm also nervous that if I choose to not pursue a terminal degree, people will think I can't and of course, I hate when anyone thinks I can't do something, even if I don't want to do it. It's sort of like being troubled and surprised when you find out someone you don't like doesn't like you (this has happened to me more than once).
So option one is keep chasing more education and endure the stress and loss of family time and balance (which probably impacts my fitness) and see where my career goes. I suppose the most money lies down this trail too, and as someone who feels like he was too poor for too long, that matters. I suppose there is a corollary to this one, that if I choose not to right now, the option doesn't disappear. I'm 40 not dead (epiphany warning, that felt like a genuine insight). In fact there are real strong rumors of a program here in town in 3 years or so.
2. Option 2 says continue doing what you are doing know while setting yourself up to do something else later (wow I think I might have just gone 2nd or third person). I went to college at age 18 with the intention of majoring in psychology. But what I really wanted to be was a counselor, I just wasn't smart enough to know that you didn't need the psych major to do that and I freaked out at the first statistics course and switched majors. I often ponder finding that career as a counselor. So, I could continue my current work while getting a second Master's degree in counseling, which would be my alternate thing to do, if my career at Western got to a place I didn't want to be in. I should mention that my employer provides generous help with going to school, which really does open up the menu of options, both good and bad.
Of course I'm not sure another Master's degree is the most balanced option either but it is less money and closer (Winona) than Madison. And I think I have enough life mileage on me, that I have something to bring to others. My empathy meter is pretty high.
3. Option 3 is just stay put and see if I can get away with it. While I stay in my Dean's job (which right now is the only administrative job at my college that makes sense for me, I don't feel in step with lots of other parts of the place), I could slowly take more classes for a move to the Basic Skills classroom if I want to do something different. I would like the direct impact of the classroom, but the repetition is an issue for me. I love to present in a classroom or workshop and interact with students, but I do wonder about doing it every day for years.
Of course, this path is the most balanced and helps create life space to chase my fitness goals, develop some interests and perhaps avoid become the work and career obsessed person I'm afraid I'm becoming.
So that's me in a nutshell, frightening huh...
Oh yeah, my secret workout today is a new video game in our house. We got Dance Party Two for the Wii and I have been dancing my ass off.
Nutrition update: All is good. I went with Lindy's subs for lunch. I bought for the office since it was the last day for a secretary who was retiring. We have banana bread at home, which is always tough on me because it is so good and easy to eat half a loaf without thinking. But as of now, 7:50, I am good with a little room left for some yogurt or something at bed time. It's always instructive to see what fits when I don't work out harder.
Random musings:So I think this blog is in many ways about putting everything out for viewing. It might be pictures, thoughts, frustrations, questions, but it's all on the table. I was pondering why that is and I think it is because for a long time, I kept lots of things to myself and that is how I got where I am, for good and for bad.
If the idea is supposed to be to go against my natural instincts (Thank you George Costanza) so that I'm not stuck in the insanity loop of doing the same thing and hoping for new results, then I'm putting it all out there, even when it feels weird.
So here is my dilemma about school and work and life. I'll try to describe the options that spin endlessly in my head:
1. Edgewood has confirmed that I can begin my EdD this summer if I want to. That should be good news, but I can't bring myself to decide to do it. All I know is that each time I've taken a class or gotten ready to in the last couple years, my stress level goes through the roof and I'm not the person I want to be. In fact, last summer I got shingles just thinking about starting a program in the summer. I deferred it to fall and ended up having a great summer vacation with some of the lowest stress level ever. I took the course in the fall instead and was a raving lunatic (but I did get an A). Those classes were online, this one meets 7-8 Saturdays a semester. I like face to face, but I don't like being gone all the time.
So, obviously I shouldn't pursue that right? Well I wish my mind would let it be that simple. Instead, my anxiety ridden soul worries about whether it has consequences at work. If I'm not on the track to advancement, am I on the track to being forgotten or discarded? Of course, no one orders me to get a doctorate (my master's was required, that was easier really because I had to). Instead, I'm encouraged and told how needed I am (that plays to me very strongly) and how I'm the "next generation of leader." Much of me would like to just be the Basic Skills Dean that I am and advocate for the marginalized, but that can feel at risk too (what if they want us all to be "Dr. Somebody" someday). Of course, I'm also nervous that if I choose to not pursue a terminal degree, people will think I can't and of course, I hate when anyone thinks I can't do something, even if I don't want to do it. It's sort of like being troubled and surprised when you find out someone you don't like doesn't like you (this has happened to me more than once).
So option one is keep chasing more education and endure the stress and loss of family time and balance (which probably impacts my fitness) and see where my career goes. I suppose the most money lies down this trail too, and as someone who feels like he was too poor for too long, that matters. I suppose there is a corollary to this one, that if I choose not to right now, the option doesn't disappear. I'm 40 not dead (epiphany warning, that felt like a genuine insight). In fact there are real strong rumors of a program here in town in 3 years or so.
2. Option 2 says continue doing what you are doing know while setting yourself up to do something else later (wow I think I might have just gone 2nd or third person). I went to college at age 18 with the intention of majoring in psychology. But what I really wanted to be was a counselor, I just wasn't smart enough to know that you didn't need the psych major to do that and I freaked out at the first statistics course and switched majors. I often ponder finding that career as a counselor. So, I could continue my current work while getting a second Master's degree in counseling, which would be my alternate thing to do, if my career at Western got to a place I didn't want to be in. I should mention that my employer provides generous help with going to school, which really does open up the menu of options, both good and bad.
Of course I'm not sure another Master's degree is the most balanced option either but it is less money and closer (Winona) than Madison. And I think I have enough life mileage on me, that I have something to bring to others. My empathy meter is pretty high.
3. Option 3 is just stay put and see if I can get away with it. While I stay in my Dean's job (which right now is the only administrative job at my college that makes sense for me, I don't feel in step with lots of other parts of the place), I could slowly take more classes for a move to the Basic Skills classroom if I want to do something different. I would like the direct impact of the classroom, but the repetition is an issue for me. I love to present in a classroom or workshop and interact with students, but I do wonder about doing it every day for years.
Of course, this path is the most balanced and helps create life space to chase my fitness goals, develop some interests and perhaps avoid become the work and career obsessed person I'm afraid I'm becoming.
So that's me in a nutshell, frightening huh...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The couple that works out together...and a new, better dream
Exercise update: As today's title might suggest, my wife and I actually got to go work out together today. I had planned on going to the Y by myself after work, but things ran late and I came home instead with the thought of running on the treadmill. I knew I needed to be home by 5:15 so Anne could go to spin class. When I got home she suggested I come along. My daughter was at a friend's house who said she could stay for dinner and my son came along to the Y, so I got to go to spin class.
My wife and I got together in large part because we liked to do active, physical things together (besides that, for you in the gutter), but as life has piled on with kids etc. we just don't do that sort of thing as often (or the other thing too gutter boy:)). It was a good reminder as I try to sort out what matters in the 2nd half of my life. We always like each other better when we remember to get some time in doing the things we like to do together. I'm not a good enough husband to give marital advice, but if I were I'd recommend this sort of thing.
And of course a 45 minute spinning class burns over 600 calories according to myfooddiary.com.
Also on the exercise front, I am glad to say I went out on a limb and signed up for the Chicago Urbanathlon today. After reading about if for years and dreaming of doing it, my brother-in-law and I decided to follow through. If you'd like to learn more you can go to http://www.menshealthurbanathlon.com/.
My wife and I got together in large part because we liked to do active, physical things together (besides that, for you in the gutter), but as life has piled on with kids etc. we just don't do that sort of thing as often (or the other thing too gutter boy:)). It was a good reminder as I try to sort out what matters in the 2nd half of my life. We always like each other better when we remember to get some time in doing the things we like to do together. I'm not a good enough husband to give marital advice, but if I were I'd recommend this sort of thing.
And of course a 45 minute spinning class burns over 600 calories according to myfooddiary.com.
Also on the exercise front, I am glad to say I went out on a limb and signed up for the Chicago Urbanathlon today. After reading about if for years and dreaming of doing it, my brother-in-law and I decided to follow through. If you'd like to learn more you can go to http://www.menshealthurbanathlon.com/.
It's basically a 9 mile race with obstacles and a climb up the Soldier Field stadium steps and jumping over taxis and a bunch of other ridiculous stuff. More of us should go!!! October 15th baby.
Nutrition update: All is good on the food front today. I got my Bolthouse Green Goodness Smoothie in this morning to get some fruits and veggies. I'm within my calorie plan too. I do eat a lot of breads and carbs, but I'm working on it.
French Fries have stayed off the menu for the entire month, victory is near. Diet soda is the next thing to go.
Of course a spinning class gives me more wiggle room on the amount I can eat, a good lesson about getting daily exercise. Gotta keep yesterday's minuscule momentum going. I'm not sure if I imagined it, but my pants feel looser...we may just have liftoff. Or I stretched them further than usual...
Random musings: I may have said this before but when I was a kid I believed you could do anything. As an adult I now know that you may be able to do anything, but you cannot do everything, you have to make choices.
I kind of forgot that maxim today when signing up for the Urbanathlon. I went ahead and did it without actually telling anyone who lives in my house. They are all nice people, but with Anne working every other weekend and all of our kids activities, I have been a bit presumptuous about filling in any available gaps (and some that aren't available). Of course I'm married to a very nice woman and she wouldn't tell me no flat out, but the look about adding this one has made me re-think the summer schedule. The only two events I'm signed up for right now are the Castle Rock Triathlon in July and the Urbanathlon in October.
The problem is I've mentioned doing a half marathon in August, the Waupaca Triathlon in August and the Olympic Distance tri that inspired the blog in September. I think that may be a bit much for my family, particularly since I never pick events all that close to home (someone who lives in my house thinks I have trouble with small achievements and always need them to be bigger, hmmm, naaah) And I can't forget I have also been flirting with going to graduate school. That of course would only involve 6-8 Saturdays per semester:)
My grad school decision is on hold for a bit, but I think I have some conclusions about my training and event schedule. As you know, I've been stunned at how long this reclamation project is taking. However, I remain the pig in the bacon and egg breakfast (committed not just interested). That means my time frame becomes irrelevant in some ways because I'm going to live an athlete's life as long as I can.
So my instinct today is to let the Olympic Tri slide until next spring. Not only will that keep my project going longer, it leaves room for the Urbanathlon and for seeing my family.
I want to believe this isn't compromise or failure, it's just readjusting. It is odd though that it bugs me so much that my first blog entry says Olympic Tri by the end of the summer. I hope I'll forgive myself for making it Olympic Tri within a year. That's not a bad thing, right?
The Ultimate dream is Ironman, but that seems a long, long way away. For now the Urbanathlon is what I really want to do athletically.
Did you ever see Shark Boy and Lava Girl? Probably not, but the lesson is that our dreams aren't wrong or that we fail. The hero, a little boy named Max says "Dream a better dream, and then work to make it real."
What does that have to do with anything. Well today the Urbanathlon feels like the better dream.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
It moved
I got up at 4:54 today to being Madison for an 8:00 meeting. I got home about 6:30, so needless to say it was a long day. I am pleased to say that my 5:15 weigh-in showed a small result today. The needle on our old fashioned scale had clearly gone down. I'm going to be conservative and call it a half pound, putting me at a newly svelte 196 lbs. It's slow going, but next week, we shoot for full pound.
The meeting was kind of fascinating, although a tad pointless. I was given an entire day of professional media training to learn how to talk about a statewide initiative more effectively on TV etc. I have always thought I was a pretty good performer, but I found I had a lot to learn. I'm better giving presentations or talking to a live audience than I am in the world of soundbites. But I did get better...
Those of you who know me well,won't be stunned to find out I'm a bit wordy for TV:). Also no one should have to look at repeated closeups of their 40 year old face.
Exercise and Nutrition update: Today has become the off day in my schedule and I'm taking that literally today. I did not exercise nor did I track my food. I did stop and Culver's for a malt on the way home and after Anne looked up the nutritional info on that...I won't be doing that again.
800+ calories and 40+ grams of fat. That is a choice I won't be making again.
Good night all, I've had enough. If I have energy tomorrow, perhaps you can watch me puzzle over my career options again. No word from Edgewood, it is beginning to feel weird.
The meeting was kind of fascinating, although a tad pointless. I was given an entire day of professional media training to learn how to talk about a statewide initiative more effectively on TV etc. I have always thought I was a pretty good performer, but I found I had a lot to learn. I'm better giving presentations or talking to a live audience than I am in the world of soundbites. But I did get better...
Those of you who know me well,won't be stunned to find out I'm a bit wordy for TV:). Also no one should have to look at repeated closeups of their 40 year old face.
Exercise and Nutrition update: Today has become the off day in my schedule and I'm taking that literally today. I did not exercise nor did I track my food. I did stop and Culver's for a malt on the way home and after Anne looked up the nutritional info on that...I won't be doing that again.
800+ calories and 40+ grams of fat. That is a choice I won't be making again.
Good night all, I've had enough. If I have energy tomorrow, perhaps you can watch me puzzle over my career options again. No word from Edgewood, it is beginning to feel weird.
Monday, May 23, 2011
What will tomorrow bring
Exercise update: Back at the YMCA today. I spent 42 minutes on the elliptical machine. That felt pretty good. It will be interesting to see how I feel tomorrow. The last time I used the elliptical, I was surprisingly tired the next day. I'm hoping tomorrow will be an indicator of better fitness because I'll be less fatigued. To get my hour in today, I walked the dog for 20+ minutes when I got home. Eventually my real workout will need to be 60 minutes, but one thing at a time.
Tomorrow is Tuesday weigh-in day, so I use that as an off day for workouts as well. I'm traveling most of the day, so I'll try to get a walk with the dog when I return. I don't have big expectations for the weigh in, but I do hope to at least maintain where I'm at.
Nutrition update: Yesterday and today have been solid according to myfooddiary.com. I've stayed within the prescribed levels for losing a pound a week. I actually took a departing co-worker out for lunch today and managed not to gorge. I started the Pizza Doctor's buffet with a small salad. This seemed to take the edge off and I think I did a good job at lunch. Didn't go nuts on the pizza, but I did eat plenty.
My no french fry project seems to be a success. The added benefit is that I haven't even been in a fast food joint (meaning the burger kind) for three weeks. In fact, I've been in one once all month. It feels like this change could stick and be the first big win in this whole project. Whether or not I'm shrinking my body, it has to be a good thing to get french fries out of the food rotation, right?
My new food goal is to eliminate soda by the end of May. This one will be hard. I have a serious caffeine addiction and I have lots of rituals surrounding buying soda at work and having it with me as a security blanket at meetings (yes I'm a psychotic but any regular reader knows that by now). I imagine a bottle of water could serve the same function, but I am a creature of habit and habits are hard to change. I am a diet soda drinker, so theoretically it doesn't make me heavier, but the evidence seems to be mounting that it doesn't help. It is associated with increased risk of stroke and I just read an article about those who consume as little as 3 a week (I do that in a day), having a 40% greater incidence of obesity. So bye bye soda, hello headaches, temporarily.
Random Musings: I have to be in Madison for an 8:30 a.m.meeting tomorrow. That means leaving home before 6:00. I could have gone tonight, but I prefer to have the night at home with Anne and the kids. My son said that was dumb:). Weighing in at 5:00 a.m. will be interesting, but a good incentive to skip ice cream tonight. The last week has been a roller-coaster diet wise, so I don't expect anything dramatic. Frankly, if I can stay at last week's weight, I'll be satisfied.
I don't think I'm trying to lower expectations there, but it can be hard to sort out what you really think from what you want people to think you think. And if you needed more evidence that I'm a tad neurotic, that last sentence should prove it.
I thought I had some meaningful musing for today, but it has escaped me. So please just think light.
Tomorrow is Tuesday weigh-in day, so I use that as an off day for workouts as well. I'm traveling most of the day, so I'll try to get a walk with the dog when I return. I don't have big expectations for the weigh in, but I do hope to at least maintain where I'm at.
Nutrition update: Yesterday and today have been solid according to myfooddiary.com. I've stayed within the prescribed levels for losing a pound a week. I actually took a departing co-worker out for lunch today and managed not to gorge. I started the Pizza Doctor's buffet with a small salad. This seemed to take the edge off and I think I did a good job at lunch. Didn't go nuts on the pizza, but I did eat plenty.
My no french fry project seems to be a success. The added benefit is that I haven't even been in a fast food joint (meaning the burger kind) for three weeks. In fact, I've been in one once all month. It feels like this change could stick and be the first big win in this whole project. Whether or not I'm shrinking my body, it has to be a good thing to get french fries out of the food rotation, right?
My new food goal is to eliminate soda by the end of May. This one will be hard. I have a serious caffeine addiction and I have lots of rituals surrounding buying soda at work and having it with me as a security blanket at meetings (yes I'm a psychotic but any regular reader knows that by now). I imagine a bottle of water could serve the same function, but I am a creature of habit and habits are hard to change. I am a diet soda drinker, so theoretically it doesn't make me heavier, but the evidence seems to be mounting that it doesn't help. It is associated with increased risk of stroke and I just read an article about those who consume as little as 3 a week (I do that in a day), having a 40% greater incidence of obesity. So bye bye soda, hello headaches, temporarily.
Random Musings: I have to be in Madison for an 8:30 a.m.meeting tomorrow. That means leaving home before 6:00. I could have gone tonight, but I prefer to have the night at home with Anne and the kids. My son said that was dumb:). Weighing in at 5:00 a.m. will be interesting, but a good incentive to skip ice cream tonight. The last week has been a roller-coaster diet wise, so I don't expect anything dramatic. Frankly, if I can stay at last week's weight, I'll be satisfied.
I don't think I'm trying to lower expectations there, but it can be hard to sort out what you really think from what you want people to think you think. And if you needed more evidence that I'm a tad neurotic, that last sentence should prove it.
I thought I had some meaningful musing for today, but it has escaped me. So please just think light.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday Bloody Sunday
1 month ago I took some body measurements as a baseline for my little project. Here they are with 30 days later updates.
I am typing this in real time, so whatever my reaction is, you can count on it being genuine. Of course, if you've read many of my daily blathering, you know, I don't exactly plan out what I'm going to say. On to the show:
- Chest: April 22nd - 43 inches May 22nd - 42.75(shrinking moobs is good)
- Waist (at belly button): - April 22nd - 40.5 in. May 22nd - 40.5 in. (arghh!!!)
- Hips: April 22nd - 38 in. May 22nd -37.5
- Biceps: 4/22 L -14.125 May 22nd 13.5 R- Aril 22 - 14.25 May 22 - 13.75 (not sure I measured correctly)
- Thighs: April 22nd L - 23.5 May 22nd - no change, R - Apr 22 - 23.5 May 22 - no change
- Calves: April 22nd L - 15.75 may 22 - 16 in., R- Apr 22 - 15.5 May 22 - 16 in.
So.... The evidence would see to say that there just hasn't been that much going on. That would fit with what the scale is telling me. My first reaction is frustration. Although I've never documented it so publicly before, I am doing things that have always met with some level of success before. Now after 5-6 weeks, I'm getting nothing....
I'm sure it's getting repetitive to read, but all I can do is refocus on my efforts. I know I've mixed in some not so great days with good ones, but why I can't see any change at all is a mystery. I know I'm getting older, but holy crap.
I think it's time to focus on some athletic events for a while. I'm a little too singularly obsessed with numbers currently. I'll still weigh in and measure on schedule, but I need to get my head focused on something I can accomplish. The July 23rd triathlon is just too far away. Maybe I'll find a 5k sooner than that or something. Hopefully the weight loss will take care of itself.
The good news is that I am definitely fitter. For a guy who could damn near be in the Clydesdale division at races, I move pretty well in the pool and even in my slow runs. I just want to look healthier too. Some people enjoy watching whales swim, but not at the Y:)
Exercise update: Ok, I'm done whining, so what do I actually do? I haven't worked out today yet (it's early),but I think I'll run on the treadmill tonight. I also will start finding subtle calorie burns this week. The easiest one will be to ride my bike to work when I can. Maybe that can be the key to getting some momentum.
Nutrition update: The plan is simple. Faithfully use myfooddiary.com and try to learn from it. I've had a mediocre to good 5 days according to my tracking. In two more days I weigh in and we will see how I'm doing. Whatever the number, I need to learn something. The whole point is improvement, not perfection.
Random Deep thoughts: Now that I've escaped the chaos of the semester, I'm hoping I can use this week to reflect and learn about all kinds of stuff. I'm assuming I should hear from Edgewood soon and that should make me move one direction or another. I think I've let that become too big a deal frankly. What's the great Sheryl Crow line (yeah I said great and Sheryl Crow) "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got."
I'm going to work on appreciating what I've got. In truth my problems are middle class problems and a privilege to have. In essence I have too many options and can't choose. I have a family that actually likes me and wants me around. I have work that pays well and people see me as good at it. I have supervisors who think I can accomplish more and push me to do so. I'm physically able to chase these fitness dreams. In short I have opportunities.
Many people I know aren't fortunate enough to be able to have these "problems." I just need to make up my mind and quite looking at other's people's grass for the color.
I am typing this in real time, so whatever my reaction is, you can count on it being genuine. Of course, if you've read many of my daily blathering, you know, I don't exactly plan out what I'm going to say. On to the show:
- Chest: April 22nd - 43 inches May 22nd - 42.75(shrinking moobs is good)
- Waist (at belly button): - April 22nd - 40.5 in. May 22nd - 40.5 in. (arghh!!!)
- Hips: April 22nd - 38 in. May 22nd -37.5
- Biceps: 4/22 L -14.125 May 22nd 13.5 R- Aril 22 - 14.25 May 22 - 13.75 (not sure I measured correctly)
- Thighs: April 22nd L - 23.5 May 22nd - no change, R - Apr 22 - 23.5 May 22 - no change
- Calves: April 22nd L - 15.75 may 22 - 16 in., R- Apr 22 - 15.5 May 22 - 16 in.
So.... The evidence would see to say that there just hasn't been that much going on. That would fit with what the scale is telling me. My first reaction is frustration. Although I've never documented it so publicly before, I am doing things that have always met with some level of success before. Now after 5-6 weeks, I'm getting nothing....
I'm sure it's getting repetitive to read, but all I can do is refocus on my efforts. I know I've mixed in some not so great days with good ones, but why I can't see any change at all is a mystery. I know I'm getting older, but holy crap.
I think it's time to focus on some athletic events for a while. I'm a little too singularly obsessed with numbers currently. I'll still weigh in and measure on schedule, but I need to get my head focused on something I can accomplish. The July 23rd triathlon is just too far away. Maybe I'll find a 5k sooner than that or something. Hopefully the weight loss will take care of itself.
The good news is that I am definitely fitter. For a guy who could damn near be in the Clydesdale division at races, I move pretty well in the pool and even in my slow runs. I just want to look healthier too. Some people enjoy watching whales swim, but not at the Y:)
Exercise update: Ok, I'm done whining, so what do I actually do? I haven't worked out today yet (it's early),but I think I'll run on the treadmill tonight. I also will start finding subtle calorie burns this week. The easiest one will be to ride my bike to work when I can. Maybe that can be the key to getting some momentum.
Nutrition update: The plan is simple. Faithfully use myfooddiary.com and try to learn from it. I've had a mediocre to good 5 days according to my tracking. In two more days I weigh in and we will see how I'm doing. Whatever the number, I need to learn something. The whole point is improvement, not perfection.
Random Deep thoughts: Now that I've escaped the chaos of the semester, I'm hoping I can use this week to reflect and learn about all kinds of stuff. I'm assuming I should hear from Edgewood soon and that should make me move one direction or another. I think I've let that become too big a deal frankly. What's the great Sheryl Crow line (yeah I said great and Sheryl Crow) "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got."
I'm going to work on appreciating what I've got. In truth my problems are middle class problems and a privilege to have. In essence I have too many options and can't choose. I have a family that actually likes me and wants me around. I have work that pays well and people see me as good at it. I have supervisors who think I can accomplish more and push me to do so. I'm physically able to chase these fitness dreams. In short I have opportunities.
Many people I know aren't fortunate enough to be able to have these "problems." I just need to make up my mind and quite looking at other's people's grass for the color.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Short and Sweet
Nutrition update: Yesterday was not great food wise. I went to my Dad's retirement gathering and probably overdid it a bit. I didn't need the extra beer or the bag of chips (baked) on the way there. I exceeded my calories significantly and came home hungry to violate it further with a PBJ sandwich.
Today has been better, but I'm seeing how tough it is to stay inbounds on a low exercise day.
On the good news front, I didn't do fast food yesterday and I started the retirement dinner with a salad.
Exercise update: Yesterday's pool workout plus a slightly later night left me whipped today. I need to look at some diet options for better energy. A harder workout one day leads to none or little the next. My only real exertion today was running Cam around a parking lot trying to learn how to ride a bike for 20 minutes. Tomorrow and Monday will be important exercise days to see progress on Tuesday
Random Musings: Tomorrow I have to do "1 month later" measurements. I wonder if that will show more than photos or scales? At any rate, I remain committed to this process, even on the days when I sabotage it. Being healthy and athletic is climbing to the top of my list, I just need to make more room for it and less excuses why other things beat it out.
I did enjoy getting to see some family at Dad's event last night. It was nice, and awkward, and all the other things our delightfully bizarre family is. We did discuss just how fast Eva can run a 1/2 marathon. If we ever do run together, I may need to trip her.
Today has been better, but I'm seeing how tough it is to stay inbounds on a low exercise day.
On the good news front, I didn't do fast food yesterday and I started the retirement dinner with a salad.
Exercise update: Yesterday's pool workout plus a slightly later night left me whipped today. I need to look at some diet options for better energy. A harder workout one day leads to none or little the next. My only real exertion today was running Cam around a parking lot trying to learn how to ride a bike for 20 minutes. Tomorrow and Monday will be important exercise days to see progress on Tuesday
Random Musings: Tomorrow I have to do "1 month later" measurements. I wonder if that will show more than photos or scales? At any rate, I remain committed to this process, even on the days when I sabotage it. Being healthy and athletic is climbing to the top of my list, I just need to make more room for it and less excuses why other things beat it out.
I did enjoy getting to see some family at Dad's event last night. It was nice, and awkward, and all the other things our delightfully bizarre family is. We did discuss just how fast Eva can run a 1/2 marathon. If we ever do run together, I may need to trip her.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Slow (really slow) but steady
So here's the latest before and after. The pic on the left/bottom was taken 30 days ago by my daughter. The pic on the right/top is my son's from this morning. You can debate who the superior photographer is, but I think it shows the incremental progress I'm making. As I've said before I wish it were more dramatic, but I accept what it is.
I'm planning on 30 days from now showing this much progress or more.
Exercise update: I met with Danni (the trainer) today at the pool. We spent about half our time on swim drills and actually spent 20-25 minutes putting together a real swim workout. It felt pretty good. I'm not sure I'll ever be a natural or fast swimmer, but I feel like I'm wasting less energy in the pool. That will be crucial for the Olympic Tri, when I have to swim just under a mile. I need to be able to get out of the water and actually be able to pedal.
I felt pretty good in the pool, I think yesterday's rest day made a difference. I'm looking forward to an active weekend. Cameron has me booked for bicycling practice on Saturday afternoon, so my running shoes will be required:) I'm going to try to make working with the trainer weekly at least for a while. I seem to get a better workout when someone else tells me what to do...
Of course today she said working in a 1/2 marathon in August between triathlons should be "no problem." Someday she'll have to tell me what would be a problem:)
Nutrition update: I'm blogging early today, so I can't verify that I met every goal, but I'm well on pace. 45 minutes in the pool certainly helps to create some room to eat. I started the day with PBJ toast and 4 oz of Bolthouse smoothie. Lunch was drive thru, but just a burrito, no burger and fries. I would call that a victory but my wife claims I do a lot of rationalizing about my diet. So....I'll just own that burrito. Still I hit Day 20 without French Fries:)
Tonight is a retirement dinner for my Dad. That sort of thing is a challenge nutrition wise since I'm not in control of the menu. I will focus on portions and intentional eating (you know vs. mindless).
Random Musings: Nothing big today. Loving the nice weather, which makes me want to ride my bike and hike.
Next week I go back to agonizing over whether to teach (schedule), counsel (recurring dream) or administrate (wider influence and some money). What's the hurry, I've been agonizing for 8 years without changing:)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Not a lot to say
Hi there. I got really exhausted today. I'm not sure if it was because I was tired yesterday but still went longer on the elliptical than usual or if it's just the cumulative effect of a long week. The end result is a chose to listen to my body and blow off the Y tonight. Instead I took the dog for an hour walk. That was relaxing. I've gotten quite addicted to a couple of podcasts (plugs for WTF with Marc Maron and the BS report with Bill Simmons) when I do that, so an hour of listening is a luxury. Big days ahead so tonight I think I'll just try to get some sleep.
Exercise update: As mentioned above, I chose a long walk over my planned workout. I think it was a good choice and not a copout. You have to respect being really tired I think. I also ended up getting quite a bit of exercise trying to get my 6 year old to ride a bike without training wheels. Several trips up and down the block, bent over and jogging did work up quite a sweat. I didn't log it as exercise, but it certainly didn't hurt. I feel a real sense of happiness when I take the time to do that kind of stuff with my kids (or play tennis, or monopoly etc.), I'm not sure why I don't do it more often. He was beaming just to spend the time....need to remember that feeling.
Tomorrow it's off to the pool with Danni. I hope I can get my stupid contacts in. Last time was easy and I do prefer to be able to see when I swim.
Nutrition update: The major lesson today is that Kwik Trip breakfast sandwiches chew up a lot of your daily calories. I plugged it in as a Sausage McMuffin and my breakfast (with my banana), went to nearly 600 calories!!! I don't think that's a choice I'll make again.
I'm still within my daily amount as of 8:30 tonight, but it was a challenge. The walking gave me some wiggle room, but not a ton. I am glad to report, no French Fries again today:) Although I did think about Fast Food when I went to my sub shop for lunch. It was weird, it was like remembering an old friend you hadn't seen in some time.
Deep thoughts: I owe a swimsuit shot in profile for tomorrow's blog. I wish the contrast from a month ago was more striking, but at least I'm doing what I said I'd do with the pics. I'm going to put up the first and second one, now that I've figured out how to have multiple pictures on a blog entry. I hope you can at least tell which is which...
I get to go to a retirement gathering for my Dad tomorrow. 30 years as a public school teacher is something to be proud of and I'm glad he's going to the ceremonies. We all deserve recognition at the end of a career. As I've said, if you can be comfortable that you were good at what you do and that it mattered, that's pretty good. Dad makes it on both those counts.
I'm sure I'll be doing the same thing with my Mom in a couple years. Whatever flaws my parents had/have, they have convinced me that careers that help people matter.
Now if I can just pick a career and make sure I live my values as a family guy (oh yeah and train for an Ironman and make money as a motivational speaker), I'll feel pretty good. Still no word from Edgewood, maybe they didn't like me as much as they said:) Today I was looking at counseling programs, jobs like my current one but in the SE part of the state, and contemplating teaching in my department so I could get more time off and still have an impact.
Fair to say, I'm a little indecisive and had free time at work for the first time in a while today
Exercise update: As mentioned above, I chose a long walk over my planned workout. I think it was a good choice and not a copout. You have to respect being really tired I think. I also ended up getting quite a bit of exercise trying to get my 6 year old to ride a bike without training wheels. Several trips up and down the block, bent over and jogging did work up quite a sweat. I didn't log it as exercise, but it certainly didn't hurt. I feel a real sense of happiness when I take the time to do that kind of stuff with my kids (or play tennis, or monopoly etc.), I'm not sure why I don't do it more often. He was beaming just to spend the time....need to remember that feeling.
Tomorrow it's off to the pool with Danni. I hope I can get my stupid contacts in. Last time was easy and I do prefer to be able to see when I swim.
Nutrition update: The major lesson today is that Kwik Trip breakfast sandwiches chew up a lot of your daily calories. I plugged it in as a Sausage McMuffin and my breakfast (with my banana), went to nearly 600 calories!!! I don't think that's a choice I'll make again.
I'm still within my daily amount as of 8:30 tonight, but it was a challenge. The walking gave me some wiggle room, but not a ton. I am glad to report, no French Fries again today:) Although I did think about Fast Food when I went to my sub shop for lunch. It was weird, it was like remembering an old friend you hadn't seen in some time.
Deep thoughts: I owe a swimsuit shot in profile for tomorrow's blog. I wish the contrast from a month ago was more striking, but at least I'm doing what I said I'd do with the pics. I'm going to put up the first and second one, now that I've figured out how to have multiple pictures on a blog entry. I hope you can at least tell which is which...
I get to go to a retirement gathering for my Dad tomorrow. 30 years as a public school teacher is something to be proud of and I'm glad he's going to the ceremonies. We all deserve recognition at the end of a career. As I've said, if you can be comfortable that you were good at what you do and that it mattered, that's pretty good. Dad makes it on both those counts.
I'm sure I'll be doing the same thing with my Mom in a couple years. Whatever flaws my parents had/have, they have convinced me that careers that help people matter.
Now if I can just pick a career and make sure I live my values as a family guy (oh yeah and train for an Ironman and make money as a motivational speaker), I'll feel pretty good. Still no word from Edgewood, maybe they didn't like me as much as they said:) Today I was looking at counseling programs, jobs like my current one but in the SE part of the state, and contemplating teaching in my department so I could get more time off and still have an impact.
Fair to say, I'm a little indecisive and had free time at work for the first time in a while today
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Keep on keeping on
Exercise update: After yesterday's mini-meltdown, I got back at it today. My workout today was at the YMCA on the elliptical trainer. I increased from my more recent 37 minute sessions to 42 minutes today. It went fine, but I am having a little knee pain tonight. I think I need to work some stretching into the equation sometime.
I get weird when I'm at the gym too late. If I don't get out of work until 4:30 (or later), then even a 45 minute workout puts me up against getting home at 6:00. Anne doesn't really give me grief about that, but I feel like I should be hurrying to get home. I suppose I figure out why I create guilt when it really isn't being given.
Tomorrow, I plan on hitting the YMCA again after work. I'll probably use the stationary bike and go for 40+ minutes. I could run, but I really need some new shoes first. Friday morning will be a pool workout with Danni.
Nutrition update: I rejoined myfooddiary.com today. Of course in theory any food tracker should work, but I have a good history with this one. And of course the fact that it costs $9/month is extra incentive to use it correctly and accurately. Today has been within the parameters it sets and I even got extra for my exercise time.
Lunch was a treat today. We did some "market research" at the newest and most authentic Mexican place in La Crosse, Burritos House. I've been trying to find ways to connect the local Latino community with our ESL classes, so this seemed like a good action project:) I was pleased to see that a burrito was only about 650 calories according to the food diary, but I may have to verify that. It was a big one.
This also marked 18 consecutive days without fries and two weeks since a trip of any kind to McDeath.
Random thoughts: The next 6 days feel big to me. I want to see what the scale will look like if I really perform for a week. The last two weeks, I let my Tuesday weigh-in/off day trail into Wednesday (and Thursday two weeks ago). This time I didn't and I didn't overeat either. Let's see if I can do the same tomorrow and the several days after. I feel near a breakthrough, it just needs to happen. Now is a good time.Iit's relatively slow at work, the kids are still in school and I can focus on building better habits.
No word from Edgewood yet, kind of surprising. Maybe they will turn me down and make life easier. I'm kind of leaning towards other options right now to be honest. Blogging, focusing on health and other therapeutic measures I'm taking are helping me to try to figure out what I actually want to do as time goes on, at work and in life. I know I want to make a difference and I want to be good at whatever it is.
Couple of new things on the horizon to think about. On the fitness front, my sister in law invited me to run a 1/2 marathon in August. I'm not sure I can be ready or if it fits with the triathlon dreams, but it would be intriguing. I'd love to meet my returning staff in the fall with a half marathon under my belt. I'm always adjusting goals, so we'll have to see.
It is a blog about triathlons, so I'd hate to skip that:)
I also saw a job posting that was sent to me which might be the first one worth looking at for real in a long time. It's a job much like my current one, but for significantly more bucks and near some people I wouldn't mind being near. I really like La Crosse though and I'm not anxious to uproot my kids, so I'll think about it for a while.
I am the King of "thinking about things", it seems to take up many of my waking hours:)
How does anyone know when they've done what they should?
I get weird when I'm at the gym too late. If I don't get out of work until 4:30 (or later), then even a 45 minute workout puts me up against getting home at 6:00. Anne doesn't really give me grief about that, but I feel like I should be hurrying to get home. I suppose I figure out why I create guilt when it really isn't being given.
Tomorrow, I plan on hitting the YMCA again after work. I'll probably use the stationary bike and go for 40+ minutes. I could run, but I really need some new shoes first. Friday morning will be a pool workout with Danni.
Nutrition update: I rejoined myfooddiary.com today. Of course in theory any food tracker should work, but I have a good history with this one. And of course the fact that it costs $9/month is extra incentive to use it correctly and accurately. Today has been within the parameters it sets and I even got extra for my exercise time.
Lunch was a treat today. We did some "market research" at the newest and most authentic Mexican place in La Crosse, Burritos House. I've been trying to find ways to connect the local Latino community with our ESL classes, so this seemed like a good action project:) I was pleased to see that a burrito was only about 650 calories according to the food diary, but I may have to verify that. It was a big one.
This also marked 18 consecutive days without fries and two weeks since a trip of any kind to McDeath.
Random thoughts: The next 6 days feel big to me. I want to see what the scale will look like if I really perform for a week. The last two weeks, I let my Tuesday weigh-in/off day trail into Wednesday (and Thursday two weeks ago). This time I didn't and I didn't overeat either. Let's see if I can do the same tomorrow and the several days after. I feel near a breakthrough, it just needs to happen. Now is a good time.Iit's relatively slow at work, the kids are still in school and I can focus on building better habits.
No word from Edgewood yet, kind of surprising. Maybe they will turn me down and make life easier. I'm kind of leaning towards other options right now to be honest. Blogging, focusing on health and other therapeutic measures I'm taking are helping me to try to figure out what I actually want to do as time goes on, at work and in life. I know I want to make a difference and I want to be good at whatever it is.
Couple of new things on the horizon to think about. On the fitness front, my sister in law invited me to run a 1/2 marathon in August. I'm not sure I can be ready or if it fits with the triathlon dreams, but it would be intriguing. I'd love to meet my returning staff in the fall with a half marathon under my belt. I'm always adjusting goals, so we'll have to see.
It is a blog about triathlons, so I'd hate to skip that:)
I also saw a job posting that was sent to me which might be the first one worth looking at for real in a long time. It's a job much like my current one, but for significantly more bucks and near some people I wouldn't mind being near. I really like La Crosse though and I'm not anxious to uproot my kids, so I'll think about it for a while.
I am the King of "thinking about things", it seems to take up many of my waking hours:)
How does anyone know when they've done what they should?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
A pause for the cause
Well, today was an interesting day. To start things off I had my Tuesday morning weigh in. I wish I was able to journal that I've had some giant breakthrough but the reality is that the needle was right where it was last week. 196.5 if I looked at it optimistically...
So, what does it mean? I must admit, at first this whole blog thing seemed a bit pointless when I saw the scale. My brain went right to "what a fascinating journal this is, I can show people how to exercise enough to not change your weight and how to not really alter your diet..." I believe that's what the AA people call "stinking thinking."
Once the pity party ended I tried to have more rational discussion with myself. Here's what I think I know today
- It's only been 5 weeks. I'm undoing years of bad stuff, so I must be patient.
- If I'm honest, my food tracking has gone south since I quit myfooddiary.com. It's time to get back on that, it's the thing that works best. For some reason, the LiveStrong tracker feels like I can lie to it more. Yes, that is correct, I lie to computer programs... Which means I lie to myself. You know, a handful of chips here, a piece of candy there and if you "forget" to record it, you make your goals for the day:)
- Going backwards is not an option, so maintaining my weight this week is a win
- It's 92.7% about diet
- Exercise must be scheduled (my overly fit brother confirmed that recently, I only call him over fit out of envy...and love)
Exercise and Nutrition update: Today was a complete day off. I had retirement parties at noon and in the evening. I drank a few beers and ate finger foods. I came home and split a small pizza with my daughter. It is all I can do to not categorize it as a "farewell to fat" evening...
Rather, I think we'll just call it a night off and move on tomorrow.
Tomorrow I re-register at myfooddiary.com. I also am planning on workouts after work on W&R. I will follow that with a trainer session with Danni Friday morning in the pool. That means Saturday off. And then Sun. & Mon back on before the next weigh in.
My regular schedule will be 5 days a week. I am designating Tuesday and Fridays as my days off. I will make exceptions to that when I need to meet with Danni on Fridays.
Random Musings: Tonight I was able to attend a retirement party for a teacher that works in my department and has taught there for the last 34 years. I like retirement parties, it feels good to see how much people care about the retiree. Those of us in education are spoiled in that we get to do work that has a very direct impact on others (certainly not the only profession that gets that, but we are one of them). To see someone wrap up 34 years of making a difference is pretty powerful.
I hope that when I'm ready to call it a career, I can have the sort of powerful emotions our teacher Tom did tonight. I don't know if I need a big roast, but I do want to know that what I did mattered.
If you can know that you are good at what you do and that you made a difference, that seems pretty good to me. For those of you following my other meandering search for meaning, I would add that getting another college degree doesn't guarantee any of that.
So, what does it mean? I must admit, at first this whole blog thing seemed a bit pointless when I saw the scale. My brain went right to "what a fascinating journal this is, I can show people how to exercise enough to not change your weight and how to not really alter your diet..." I believe that's what the AA people call "stinking thinking."
Once the pity party ended I tried to have more rational discussion with myself. Here's what I think I know today
- It's only been 5 weeks. I'm undoing years of bad stuff, so I must be patient.
- If I'm honest, my food tracking has gone south since I quit myfooddiary.com. It's time to get back on that, it's the thing that works best. For some reason, the LiveStrong tracker feels like I can lie to it more. Yes, that is correct, I lie to computer programs... Which means I lie to myself. You know, a handful of chips here, a piece of candy there and if you "forget" to record it, you make your goals for the day:)
- Going backwards is not an option, so maintaining my weight this week is a win
- It's 92.7% about diet
- Exercise must be scheduled (my overly fit brother confirmed that recently, I only call him over fit out of envy...and love)
Exercise and Nutrition update: Today was a complete day off. I had retirement parties at noon and in the evening. I drank a few beers and ate finger foods. I came home and split a small pizza with my daughter. It is all I can do to not categorize it as a "farewell to fat" evening...
Rather, I think we'll just call it a night off and move on tomorrow.
Tomorrow I re-register at myfooddiary.com. I also am planning on workouts after work on W&R. I will follow that with a trainer session with Danni Friday morning in the pool. That means Saturday off. And then Sun. & Mon back on before the next weigh in.
My regular schedule will be 5 days a week. I am designating Tuesday and Fridays as my days off. I will make exceptions to that when I need to meet with Danni on Fridays.
Random Musings: Tonight I was able to attend a retirement party for a teacher that works in my department and has taught there for the last 34 years. I like retirement parties, it feels good to see how much people care about the retiree. Those of us in education are spoiled in that we get to do work that has a very direct impact on others (certainly not the only profession that gets that, but we are one of them). To see someone wrap up 34 years of making a difference is pretty powerful.
I hope that when I'm ready to call it a career, I can have the sort of powerful emotions our teacher Tom did tonight. I don't know if I need a big roast, but I do want to know that what I did mattered.
If you can know that you are good at what you do and that you made a difference, that seems pretty good to me. For those of you following my other meandering search for meaning, I would add that getting another college degree doesn't guarantee any of that.
Monday, May 16, 2011
A brief update
I'm pretty worn out tonight so I think I'll keep it simple. Tomorrow is a weigh in day so I'm sure I'll be much more effusive.
Today I had my end of semester picnic for students plus meetings and I'm just sleepy.
Exercise update: Yesterday was a recovery day so I focused on walking. I took Jake (the dog) for about an hour and ten minutes. It was a great chance to listen to a couple of Bill Simmons podcasts and wear the dog right out.
Tonight I went to the Y and hit the stationary bike really hard for 35 minutes. I love the new quasi-spinning bikes in the wellness center at the Y. I'm not sure if I like biking because I find it easier, or I just like it. In addition, I took Jake for 30 minutes to get my 60 minutes in today.
Nutrition update: Yesterday wasn't perfect. I did not handle delivered pizza as well as I would have hoped. I ate too much of it, but I did order thin crust, which helped. However that left me hungry at night and I hit the salsa and chips. I probably went over my calorie goal by 300 or so.
Today has been very solid. I skipped all the crap at the picnic and kept my food choices reasonable. I will stay within my limits today. Of course, I have a lot of room to add vegetables, but that is a next step:)
Night night, more to come tomorrow. Think light. I must admit I'm nervous because I can't seem to put together a full week of doing what I should. But, this week had more good days than bad, so I'm hopeful. Regardless of the number, I will continue moving in healthy directions.
Today I had my end of semester picnic for students plus meetings and I'm just sleepy.
Exercise update: Yesterday was a recovery day so I focused on walking. I took Jake (the dog) for about an hour and ten minutes. It was a great chance to listen to a couple of Bill Simmons podcasts and wear the dog right out.
Tonight I went to the Y and hit the stationary bike really hard for 35 minutes. I love the new quasi-spinning bikes in the wellness center at the Y. I'm not sure if I like biking because I find it easier, or I just like it. In addition, I took Jake for 30 minutes to get my 60 minutes in today.
Nutrition update: Yesterday wasn't perfect. I did not handle delivered pizza as well as I would have hoped. I ate too much of it, but I did order thin crust, which helped. However that left me hungry at night and I hit the salsa and chips. I probably went over my calorie goal by 300 or so.
Today has been very solid. I skipped all the crap at the picnic and kept my food choices reasonable. I will stay within my limits today. Of course, I have a lot of room to add vegetables, but that is a next step:)
Night night, more to come tomorrow. Think light. I must admit I'm nervous because I can't seem to put together a full week of doing what I should. But, this week had more good days than bad, so I'm hopeful. Regardless of the number, I will continue moving in healthy directions.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Competition, envy, and admiration in some order
My little sisters and their husbands completed the Green Bay half marathon this morning in blustery weather. For three of them, it was their first half and my baby sister set her PR in diffficult conditions. Pretty awesome for all of them, since I don't think they'd be offended if I pointed out that none of them is the world's most natural athlete (well maybe more than me, but none of us are real natural).
I was very proud of all of them, but I must admit I felt jealous too. I had been training for that particular race myself until my hamstring decided to remind me that I was 40 and fat early in March. I continue to be fascinated by this insane competitive streak that lives inside me. As I looked at their times, I couldn't help but wonder how I would have done. Sometimes this feels a tad too narcissistic. I am proud of myself (narcissism again), that I was able to get out of my head and just be happy for them. The competitive residue is my desire to want to find a race of my own down the road, but I know I have work to do before that is an option.
Mostly I'm thrilled for all of them and looking forward to a time when I can join them...and beat them (damn it damn it damn it)...
Exercise update: Yesterday was a trip to the YMCA (ahh poetry). I spent 37 aggressive minutes on the elliptical and did a complete circuit around the cybex machines. This met my hour workout goal, so I felt pretty good about that. Elliptical still feels like the coward's exercise, but I can tell my endurance is improving on it and it protects my knees while I dream of bigger things.
Running is such a conundrum for me. It beats up my body, I don' t particularly love it, but when I am running fit, I feel fitter than any other version of fit.
Still shooting for July sprint triathlon and September Olympic. And of course today I'm dreaming of half marathons.
Today's exercise will be just walking the dog, I need some rest, but I want to earn calories for pizza tonight.
Nutrition update: Yesterday was a mixed bag. I didn't track everything, but I think I stayed within my limits. The two areas of question came in the evening. Both my kids had overnight guests and we made a cheese, meat, and cracker tray for them to dine on. I did most of the slicing and did a bit of munching too. I wasn't sure how to catalog that, so I reacted by not really eating any dinner. This in turn led to me feeling very hungry and having late night ice cream for the first time in a while.
As I said, I think it all fit within the calorie limits my tracker sets, but nutritionally it wasn't real good. And truthfully it felt a little out of control
Tonight will have a similar challenge as delivery pizza and I face off for the first time in a while. I am trying to be moderate but healthy today and then just eat 2-3 slices tonight and see how that goes. Tuesday is weigh in day and I'd like to keep my small momentum growing.
Random crap: This feels like a big week on a couple fronts. For fitness, it feels like a chance to get rolling. Students are gone after Monday, so work mellows for a few weeks and I can dial in. I'd like to transition back towards training for events after a few weeks focused on weight loss behavior (if not results...).
On the personal front, I should get word from Edgewood this week and will need to make some decisions that way. If you asked me today, I'd say I'm pretty content doing what I'm doing and I don't need a doctorate to validate me. I'm trying to get over external validation anyway. Of course I could feel differently tomorrow, or later today.
Maybe my boss can help me figure it out. Or maybe not...
I was very proud of all of them, but I must admit I felt jealous too. I had been training for that particular race myself until my hamstring decided to remind me that I was 40 and fat early in March. I continue to be fascinated by this insane competitive streak that lives inside me. As I looked at their times, I couldn't help but wonder how I would have done. Sometimes this feels a tad too narcissistic. I am proud of myself (narcissism again), that I was able to get out of my head and just be happy for them. The competitive residue is my desire to want to find a race of my own down the road, but I know I have work to do before that is an option.
Mostly I'm thrilled for all of them and looking forward to a time when I can join them...and beat them (damn it damn it damn it)...
Exercise update: Yesterday was a trip to the YMCA (ahh poetry). I spent 37 aggressive minutes on the elliptical and did a complete circuit around the cybex machines. This met my hour workout goal, so I felt pretty good about that. Elliptical still feels like the coward's exercise, but I can tell my endurance is improving on it and it protects my knees while I dream of bigger things.
Running is such a conundrum for me. It beats up my body, I don' t particularly love it, but when I am running fit, I feel fitter than any other version of fit.
Still shooting for July sprint triathlon and September Olympic. And of course today I'm dreaming of half marathons.
Today's exercise will be just walking the dog, I need some rest, but I want to earn calories for pizza tonight.
Nutrition update: Yesterday was a mixed bag. I didn't track everything, but I think I stayed within my limits. The two areas of question came in the evening. Both my kids had overnight guests and we made a cheese, meat, and cracker tray for them to dine on. I did most of the slicing and did a bit of munching too. I wasn't sure how to catalog that, so I reacted by not really eating any dinner. This in turn led to me feeling very hungry and having late night ice cream for the first time in a while.
As I said, I think it all fit within the calorie limits my tracker sets, but nutritionally it wasn't real good. And truthfully it felt a little out of control
Tonight will have a similar challenge as delivery pizza and I face off for the first time in a while. I am trying to be moderate but healthy today and then just eat 2-3 slices tonight and see how that goes. Tuesday is weigh in day and I'd like to keep my small momentum growing.
Random crap: This feels like a big week on a couple fronts. For fitness, it feels like a chance to get rolling. Students are gone after Monday, so work mellows for a few weeks and I can dial in. I'd like to transition back towards training for events after a few weeks focused on weight loss behavior (if not results...).
On the personal front, I should get word from Edgewood this week and will need to make some decisions that way. If you asked me today, I'd say I'm pretty content doing what I'm doing and I don't need a doctorate to validate me. I'm trying to get over external validation anyway. Of course I could feel differently tomorrow, or later today.
Maybe my boss can help me figure it out. Or maybe not...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The progress is mostly mental...Photo #2
As promised today's blog entry has the first "one month later" photo. Nothing too dramatic, but my commitment plan to this thing was to update photos and measurements at 30 days. That means I owe a profile shot in 6 days and new measurements in 8 days. If I'm trying to build follow-through, that means even in things I'm not thrilled about.
If you've been following, you know I haven't lost much weight yet. However, I do feel fitter and to a self-obsessed dude like me, I can see some progress in the photos. My face always seems to de-pork first and I can see hints of it. Again, I wish it was faster, but a real commitment makes the speed of change a little less important. What's the goofy cliche, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I feel like I've got thirty steps of my thousand miles.
Another good note at this point is that my awareness of the need to exercise and monitor my nutrition is more in the forefront of my mind. This part of my change is pretty fragile as evidenced by my fooddiary abandonment earlier this week, but it is changing. I wonder how long it takes to make it stick without this much effort. I feel a little bit like a recovering addict. You know, I have to decide each day that I will take care of myself today. One day at a time.
Nutrition update: Yesterday was a good win in this department. We had two mini-graduations in my department and the college had it's graduation as well. Each of these events has a food component and the emphasis isn't on healthy food, it's on social eating (funny how those don't seem to go together). I'm proud to say, I didn't indulge in any of the massive amounts of cake, chips and junk food floating around my department all day. I also went home and had a simple sandwich for lunch, ate a snack before the evening graduation, and stuck to one beer at the post graduation gathering.
My LiveStrong tracker said I met my calorie count and I'm sure it was close. I may have missed handful of chips somewhere, but I'm not 100% sure. All in all a good day full of challenges.
Fitness update: Another success on a very busy day... When I came home prior to evening graduation, I made time to run for 35 minutes on the treadmill. In past years, I would have used the hectic schedule as an excuse and blown it off. The exercise not only improved my health and mood, it creates room for the calories I want. I still need to more formally schedule this stuff and this week will be a good opportunity. After Monday, students and instructors are gone for a while, so my day at work becomes a bit more predictable. That makes it a good time to start hooking up with my trainer again. We are meeting on Friday.
Random blather: I'm still waiting to hear from Edgewood to see if they want me in their EdD cohort. Most days, I think I might turn it down and work back toward some more classroom career options. Last night is always the exception to thinking that way. About half of my colleagues get introduced at graduation as "Dr. so and so" and I have to admit, my ego doesn't like being "behind". Of course, ego is not a good reason to alter work/life balance for 3-4 years.
A friend at work is on an alumni board at a local college and she is sure they will have a doctoral option in 3 years. Waiting for that could be an option too. Anyway, this is only interesting to me, so I'll let it go... I think I could be happy with less education and more family time, triathlon time etc. too.
When you are a kid, they tell you that you can do anything you want, which is mostly true. They just don't tell you that you can't do everything you want. Making choices has never been my strength, I seem to want it all.
If you've been following, you know I haven't lost much weight yet. However, I do feel fitter and to a self-obsessed dude like me, I can see some progress in the photos. My face always seems to de-pork first and I can see hints of it. Again, I wish it was faster, but a real commitment makes the speed of change a little less important. What's the goofy cliche, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I feel like I've got thirty steps of my thousand miles.
Another good note at this point is that my awareness of the need to exercise and monitor my nutrition is more in the forefront of my mind. This part of my change is pretty fragile as evidenced by my fooddiary abandonment earlier this week, but it is changing. I wonder how long it takes to make it stick without this much effort. I feel a little bit like a recovering addict. You know, I have to decide each day that I will take care of myself today. One day at a time.
Nutrition update: Yesterday was a good win in this department. We had two mini-graduations in my department and the college had it's graduation as well. Each of these events has a food component and the emphasis isn't on healthy food, it's on social eating (funny how those don't seem to go together). I'm proud to say, I didn't indulge in any of the massive amounts of cake, chips and junk food floating around my department all day. I also went home and had a simple sandwich for lunch, ate a snack before the evening graduation, and stuck to one beer at the post graduation gathering.
My LiveStrong tracker said I met my calorie count and I'm sure it was close. I may have missed handful of chips somewhere, but I'm not 100% sure. All in all a good day full of challenges.
Fitness update: Another success on a very busy day... When I came home prior to evening graduation, I made time to run for 35 minutes on the treadmill. In past years, I would have used the hectic schedule as an excuse and blown it off. The exercise not only improved my health and mood, it creates room for the calories I want. I still need to more formally schedule this stuff and this week will be a good opportunity. After Monday, students and instructors are gone for a while, so my day at work becomes a bit more predictable. That makes it a good time to start hooking up with my trainer again. We are meeting on Friday.
Random blather: I'm still waiting to hear from Edgewood to see if they want me in their EdD cohort. Most days, I think I might turn it down and work back toward some more classroom career options. Last night is always the exception to thinking that way. About half of my colleagues get introduced at graduation as "Dr. so and so" and I have to admit, my ego doesn't like being "behind". Of course, ego is not a good reason to alter work/life balance for 3-4 years.
A friend at work is on an alumni board at a local college and she is sure they will have a doctoral option in 3 years. Waiting for that could be an option too. Anyway, this is only interesting to me, so I'll let it go... I think I could be happy with less education and more family time, triathlon time etc. too.
When you are a kid, they tell you that you can do anything you want, which is mostly true. They just don't tell you that you can't do everything you want. Making choices has never been my strength, I seem to want it all.
Friday, May 13, 2011
And we are back
Apparently Blogger went down over the last 36 hours and some recent posts may or may not be lost. If they are gone, you will miss my only 2 post day on Wednesday. I decided to quit myfooddiary.com because I was ready to monitor my caloric intake on my own...
4 hours, a small pizza, and an entire bagel later, I signed up for a food and exercise tracker at LiveStrong.com. My mind is a powerful enemy sometimes:) I won't say more, because if my old posts are restored it would be redundant,
Thursday's nutrition report: My first day with the LiveStrong tracker went pretty well. I came within 100 calories of the goal needed to lose a pound per week. Someone made baklava at work and my two pieces did not help my count. I did feel like I recovered from my self-induced stress binge the day before. I can tell that part of my growth will be finding other reactions to both good and bad stress besides comfort food. I've suggested excessive fornication for stress management to my spouse, but the enthusiasm for that idea seems a bit low:)
Thursday's exercise update: Back to the Y that day... I used a spinning bike for about 35 minutes after a 5 minute warm-up on the elliptical. it took a while to warm up on the bike, but overall it felt pretty good. I also walked the dog for 25 minutes or so to hit my 60 minute goal for the day. it is odd how much better I feel when I get my exercise. My knees don't always feel good, but the rest of me really depends on it. My mood is better, my digestion is better and even my infamously bad sleep habits get a little better.
Friday will be a challenge with lots of work related activities to juggle. I think I need to schedule workouts more rather than just generically say "get some exercise" most days.
Random musings: This week has been a good reminder of how fragile new habits can be. It is important to maintain that long obedience in the same direction to create new habits. I've learned behaviors that don't help over a long period of time, I suppose it will take time to break them.
I suppose that's a good lesson in multiple areas of life; old behaviors that used to work don't always meet our needs in the present. Hmm, borderline epiphany:)
Tomorrow is photo day, so I'd best mind my diet and workout today. I kind of like this blogging the day after approach. Maybe I'll stick with it...
4 hours, a small pizza, and an entire bagel later, I signed up for a food and exercise tracker at LiveStrong.com. My mind is a powerful enemy sometimes:) I won't say more, because if my old posts are restored it would be redundant,
Thursday's nutrition report: My first day with the LiveStrong tracker went pretty well. I came within 100 calories of the goal needed to lose a pound per week. Someone made baklava at work and my two pieces did not help my count. I did feel like I recovered from my self-induced stress binge the day before. I can tell that part of my growth will be finding other reactions to both good and bad stress besides comfort food. I've suggested excessive fornication for stress management to my spouse, but the enthusiasm for that idea seems a bit low:)
Thursday's exercise update: Back to the Y that day... I used a spinning bike for about 35 minutes after a 5 minute warm-up on the elliptical. it took a while to warm up on the bike, but overall it felt pretty good. I also walked the dog for 25 minutes or so to hit my 60 minute goal for the day. it is odd how much better I feel when I get my exercise. My knees don't always feel good, but the rest of me really depends on it. My mood is better, my digestion is better and even my infamously bad sleep habits get a little better.
Friday will be a challenge with lots of work related activities to juggle. I think I need to schedule workouts more rather than just generically say "get some exercise" most days.
Random musings: This week has been a good reminder of how fragile new habits can be. It is important to maintain that long obedience in the same direction to create new habits. I've learned behaviors that don't help over a long period of time, I suppose it will take time to break them.
I suppose that's a good lesson in multiple areas of life; old behaviors that used to work don't always meet our needs in the present. Hmm, borderline epiphany:)
Tomorrow is photo day, so I'd best mind my diet and workout today. I kind of like this blogging the day after approach. Maybe I'll stick with it...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
What the hell was I thinking
Ok, if anyone read my earlier entry today, you saw a great example of my brain trying to destroy my life...
As if after three days of tracking my food, I was actually ready to do it "on my own". Good God!!
Although I cancelled myfoodiary.com earlier this evening,I just signed up for the Livestrong version of food and fitness tracking. All today was was an excuse to eat a pizza and two bagels at night.
Thank you for indulging a second post in one day. Back to our regular programming:)
As if after three days of tracking my food, I was actually ready to do it "on my own". Good God!!
Although I cancelled myfoodiary.com earlier this evening,I just signed up for the Livestrong version of food and fitness tracking. All today was was an excuse to eat a pizza and two bagels at night.
Thank you for indulging a second post in one day. Back to our regular programming:)
The day after
Random musings: Today was a bummer. My wife took our van to a nearby running trail and some jerks decided to smash our window and steal her purse. This caused much consternation as we had to figure out cancelling credit cards and whether we should re-key our house and other car, since they may have those things in their possession.
Needless to say, very stressful and Anne and I were both pretty frazzled tonight. I ended up missing part of the day at work and working very late to catch up. I am glad she doesn't seem too upset,but she did go up to bed at 7:00. Not so much to sleep, but just to chill. The police have pretty good leads and they think they recovered her purse and keys, so we'll know more tomorrow. I work with so many people who aren't always on the right side of the law that I'm scared the thieves might be people I know. That would be really upsetting, more than it should be really. I guess I feel like I spend so much time advocating for people who struggle in life, that if someone I knew robbed me, it would be hard to swallow.
exercise update: Nothing to report. I just took the night off. Maybe stress or maybe fatigue from yesterdays' field trip marathon, regardless I needed a night off. I have my bag packed for the Y tomorrow. I'm thinking stationary bike and cybex. Next week should be the right time to re-connect with my trainer.
nutrition update: After a successful few days using a website to track food, I'm going to try to go without it's help. maybe that's foolish, but I want to see if I can make good choices on my own. I'll know more on my weigh-in days. Hopefully it's not premature, although I admit it seems so as I type it.
Today was good choices even in the face of a stress excuse. My brain tried to tell me to add Taco Bell to my sandwich at home because I "deserved it". I guess my rationalizing hasn't been cured yet:) On the good news front, I didn't go. I did go for a beer and small frozen pizza tonight, but I think it fits the plan, at least pretty close. And of course, this marks 11 days without Fries. I'm starting to miss McDeath a lot less. Best to not give an addict a taste or I could go on a binge.
More random stuff: Saturday marks 30 days since my first photo posted on the blog. I will post an update. I wish there was more progress, but so far it's been more on the mental side. it's a start.
Needless to say, very stressful and Anne and I were both pretty frazzled tonight. I ended up missing part of the day at work and working very late to catch up. I am glad she doesn't seem too upset,but she did go up to bed at 7:00. Not so much to sleep, but just to chill. The police have pretty good leads and they think they recovered her purse and keys, so we'll know more tomorrow. I work with so many people who aren't always on the right side of the law that I'm scared the thieves might be people I know. That would be really upsetting, more than it should be really. I guess I feel like I spend so much time advocating for people who struggle in life, that if someone I knew robbed me, it would be hard to swallow.
exercise update: Nothing to report. I just took the night off. Maybe stress or maybe fatigue from yesterdays' field trip marathon, regardless I needed a night off. I have my bag packed for the Y tomorrow. I'm thinking stationary bike and cybex. Next week should be the right time to re-connect with my trainer.
nutrition update: After a successful few days using a website to track food, I'm going to try to go without it's help. maybe that's foolish, but I want to see if I can make good choices on my own. I'll know more on my weigh-in days. Hopefully it's not premature, although I admit it seems so as I type it.
Today was good choices even in the face of a stress excuse. My brain tried to tell me to add Taco Bell to my sandwich at home because I "deserved it". I guess my rationalizing hasn't been cured yet:) On the good news front, I didn't go. I did go for a beer and small frozen pizza tonight, but I think it fits the plan, at least pretty close. And of course, this marks 11 days without Fries. I'm starting to miss McDeath a lot less. Best to not give an addict a taste or I could go on a binge.
More random stuff: Saturday marks 30 days since my first photo posted on the blog. I will post an update. I wish there was more progress, but so far it's been more on the mental side. it's a start.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Weigh in day #4
A ray of hope has shown:) I got on the scale today and there was definite downward movement. Last week, I had to really stretch to see the half pound lost, but I think I can safely call this week's loss of a pound, even on my old fashioned scale. Let's call my weight 196.5 and be happy with that. It did validate the work I've done for the last 3-4 days tracking my food intake.
Whether I like it or not, diet tracking and calorie counting seems to be the key to actually taking off some pounds at this stage of life. Now the trick is to see what results I get if I can maintain the approach for a full week and beyond.
Exercise update: No official workout plans today. However, I did go on a field trip with my daughter's class that involved copious walking. We hit a zoo, a football stadium and the state capitol in one day. As active rest days go, this was pretty active. My legs are tired, but I'm ready to get back to more traditional workouts tomorrow.
Nutrition update: For the 4th consecutive day, I've stayed within my intake guidelines for calories. The website says my saturated fat is a bit high and my sodium may never make the level they want, but I am making progress. I must say a big thank you to my wife for putting together lunch for the trip today. it's much easier to eat well, when there is good stuff to eat. Not that I couldn't do it, but it was a nice bit of spoiling to have her put together a tasty and relatively healthy lunch (relative for her, for me it was stellar). I continue to fight the pizza craving and one of these days, I'll need to give in and prove I can eat it within the guidelines I have. Denying myself food has never worked long term.
Oh and this marked 10 consecutive days without French Fries, a record at least n recent times for me.
Random thoughts: I'm pretty sleepy, so not much today. Lots swirling around in my head as always, but spring is always that way. You know a time of endless opportunities and what ifs...
Our trip to the capitol today included a chance for the kids to get photographed with Dan Kapanke. I thought he was pretty brave to be snuggling a bunch of public school kids, when he is voting to starve the very system they are in. I don't have any good thoughts for the man and I'm looking forward to him losing a historic recall election in July.
The senator and I know each other distantly, but we didn't chat today, which is probably for the best. I'd love to get more involved politically, but I haven't found the right way yet.
Here's to another successful week and if anyone is bothered by my recent brevity, I'm sure I'll have much longer, more tortured posts soon:)
Whether I like it or not, diet tracking and calorie counting seems to be the key to actually taking off some pounds at this stage of life. Now the trick is to see what results I get if I can maintain the approach for a full week and beyond.
Exercise update: No official workout plans today. However, I did go on a field trip with my daughter's class that involved copious walking. We hit a zoo, a football stadium and the state capitol in one day. As active rest days go, this was pretty active. My legs are tired, but I'm ready to get back to more traditional workouts tomorrow.
Nutrition update: For the 4th consecutive day, I've stayed within my intake guidelines for calories. The website says my saturated fat is a bit high and my sodium may never make the level they want, but I am making progress. I must say a big thank you to my wife for putting together lunch for the trip today. it's much easier to eat well, when there is good stuff to eat. Not that I couldn't do it, but it was a nice bit of spoiling to have her put together a tasty and relatively healthy lunch (relative for her, for me it was stellar). I continue to fight the pizza craving and one of these days, I'll need to give in and prove I can eat it within the guidelines I have. Denying myself food has never worked long term.
Oh and this marked 10 consecutive days without French Fries, a record at least n recent times for me.
Random thoughts: I'm pretty sleepy, so not much today. Lots swirling around in my head as always, but spring is always that way. You know a time of endless opportunities and what ifs...
Our trip to the capitol today included a chance for the kids to get photographed with Dan Kapanke. I thought he was pretty brave to be snuggling a bunch of public school kids, when he is voting to starve the very system they are in. I don't have any good thoughts for the man and I'm looking forward to him losing a historic recall election in July.
The senator and I know each other distantly, but we didn't chat today, which is probably for the best. I'd love to get more involved politically, but I haven't found the right way yet.
Here's to another successful week and if anyone is bothered by my recent brevity, I'm sure I'll have much longer, more tortured posts soon:)
Monday, May 9, 2011
Eating less is hard
Nutrition update: Day 3 that I've stayed within my calorie allotment. Being able to add for exercise surely helps, but I didn't manage my eating plan very well today. I ate less often, which left me very light headed working out in the late afternoon. I need to spread it out and get some snacks in there. I get plenty of calories (over 2000 even without the extras for working out), so I'm not short. I'm slightly under that to lose my pound per week, but it's enough.
I'm working my way through certain cravings. The French Fry addiction hasn't been an issue today, but every fiber of my being wanted to order pizza the last two nights. I resisted, not because pizza is bad (it really isn't), but because I don't have the discipline yet to stick to 2-3 slices vs. 5-6. I'll get there, but I ain't there yet...
I have to weigh in early tomorrow, hoping to see some results from 72 hours of discipline, but I won't panic if I don't. This project (or maybe change is a better word, since projects end) will take a long obedience in the same direction and 3 days isn't that long...
Fitness update: I went back on the elliptical today for 37 minutes. I used 25 minutes of dog walking to hit 60 minutes of "working out".I know walking the dog isn't really a workout, but I'm not up for 60 straight minutes yet. Seeing as a triathlon might take 2 hours, I have some work to do...
The elliptical was nice, since I find my knees don't always appreciate running. I suspect I have a partially torn meniscus in both, but it's mostly tolerable,so I'm not doing anything about it yet. let's see how they feel in 20 pounds. I am anxious for bike weather, as riding is my favorite and is easy on the knees. I can see myself in retirement (or after winning the lottery), doing a lot of bike touring. My Dad used to talk about when I was grown up, he and I would bike to Montana. We never did, but maybe I can with my kids. I can stay in shape for another 10-15 years when they would be ready to do that.
Random musings (or what my therapist calls the hamster wheel that is my mind): I'm off to Madison with a bunch of 4th graders for the spring field trip tomorrow. I love that my daughter still wants me to go, but it is a stark reminder that even if I'd continued teaching elementary school, I'd have had to moved on by now. I just don't handle the chaos like I once did. I'll take my moody, slightly dangerous at-risk teenagers any day, they make a lot less noise generally:) We are lucky that my kids have had mostly wonderful teachers all the way through and I do appreciate them.
For anyone who is interested in my employment planning roller coaster, I continue to vacillate. About 5:30 today I was certain that the doctorate could go on hold and I would enjoy my current work and take some classes to broaden my background and increase my options. By 9:00 tonight, I'm less sure of that. Story of the last several years of my life. To paraphrase my brother though, I recognize these are "middle class problems", so I can't feel too bad about having to choose between lots of good options.
At the end of the day, what I think I like to do is help people beat the odds if they can. I'm very interested in the people our mainstream leaves behind. Now I just need to figure out how best to work for them, while leaving me the time I want for me.
I'm sure I'll blog about it endlessly...
p.s. The picture isn't me, it's just an indicator of how hungry I'm feeling:)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
A solid weekend
Nutrition update: My food diary says I have eaten just under 2300 calories today which leaves me 93 calories under my daily goal and almost 500 short of what it would take to maintain my current weight. The reason for the high number available is that I've been getting off my butt and exercising, which buys me a few more calories.
Tracking my food intake is always informational, and the fact that exercise allows me to eat more, definitely creates greater incentive to exercise. The trick is to not allow the exercise to become an excuse to eat lousy food as long as it is under the calorie count. I've done that before and it's not a long term solution. I want to change the way I eat, because I love to eat. I'm most proud today that I went to visit my Mom for Mother's Day and didn't over-indulge. For some reason, trips to Mom's, are always associated with food for me. Maybe it's new found discipline, or the fact that Mom is staying in great shape, or the fact that I'm being very public about the changes I'm trying to make, but today was one of my best diet days at Mom's house ever.
Exercise update: My main activity today was running 35 minutes on the treadmill. When I combine that with a dog walk and some chores around the house, I'm pretty confident I hit my minimum of 60 minutes today. I'm going to try to keep sneaking in chances to burn a few calories as the weather improves, particularly by trying to bike to work and back whenever I can. Besides being good for me,it also limits my lunch options and keeps me from my nemesis, McDeath.
I thought a lot today about all my friends and family who are running the half marathon next weekend in Green Bay. I had hoped to be part of that and was on my way until a hamstring injury in March. While I'm feeling a bit envious, I'm hoping my future is bright. rather than finding a way for a fat guy to run a 1/2 marathon, I'm trying to set up a lifetime of doing those sort of things at a healthy weight and faster speed. Good luck to all of you, I hope it's a great day next Sunday.
Random musings: I'm anxious for the weigh in day on Tuesday. I'll have had three days of tracking food by then and I'm hoping to see alight at the end of the tunnel that isn't a train. it's hard to believe it's been 9 months since I hired a trainer and tried to start getting back to health. On one hand, it feels like I haven't accomplished much, but on the other hand it feels like I've finally turned the corner in the last few days. I know 3 days won't show up big on the scale, but it would be nice to get a boost emotionally.
Lots of other personal excitement happening at work and with school that I'm just trying to take as it comes. Health is my number one priority right now. I want to have a great summer playing with the kids and as I've said several times, feeling less self-conscious at the pool. it's been slow going, so maybe I'm not drawing stares for good reason this summer, but at least I'm not drawing them for bad reasons either...I hope.
Should be a fun week, we hit graduation season at school and that is always a big emotional lift at the end of a tough academic year. even those of us who work year round need to feel beginnings and endings. My Dad told me once that once of the reasons he liked teaching was that it started over every fall. I don't get the time off that he had,but I do appreciate the rhythm of a school calendar.
Tracking my food intake is always informational, and the fact that exercise allows me to eat more, definitely creates greater incentive to exercise. The trick is to not allow the exercise to become an excuse to eat lousy food as long as it is under the calorie count. I've done that before and it's not a long term solution. I want to change the way I eat, because I love to eat. I'm most proud today that I went to visit my Mom for Mother's Day and didn't over-indulge. For some reason, trips to Mom's, are always associated with food for me. Maybe it's new found discipline, or the fact that Mom is staying in great shape, or the fact that I'm being very public about the changes I'm trying to make, but today was one of my best diet days at Mom's house ever.
Exercise update: My main activity today was running 35 minutes on the treadmill. When I combine that with a dog walk and some chores around the house, I'm pretty confident I hit my minimum of 60 minutes today. I'm going to try to keep sneaking in chances to burn a few calories as the weather improves, particularly by trying to bike to work and back whenever I can. Besides being good for me,it also limits my lunch options and keeps me from my nemesis, McDeath.
I thought a lot today about all my friends and family who are running the half marathon next weekend in Green Bay. I had hoped to be part of that and was on my way until a hamstring injury in March. While I'm feeling a bit envious, I'm hoping my future is bright. rather than finding a way for a fat guy to run a 1/2 marathon, I'm trying to set up a lifetime of doing those sort of things at a healthy weight and faster speed. Good luck to all of you, I hope it's a great day next Sunday.
Random musings: I'm anxious for the weigh in day on Tuesday. I'll have had three days of tracking food by then and I'm hoping to see alight at the end of the tunnel that isn't a train. it's hard to believe it's been 9 months since I hired a trainer and tried to start getting back to health. On one hand, it feels like I haven't accomplished much, but on the other hand it feels like I've finally turned the corner in the last few days. I know 3 days won't show up big on the scale, but it would be nice to get a boost emotionally.
Lots of other personal excitement happening at work and with school that I'm just trying to take as it comes. Health is my number one priority right now. I want to have a great summer playing with the kids and as I've said several times, feeling less self-conscious at the pool. it's been slow going, so maybe I'm not drawing stares for good reason this summer, but at least I'm not drawing them for bad reasons either...I hope.
Should be a fun week, we hit graduation season at school and that is always a big emotional lift at the end of a tough academic year. even those of us who work year round need to feel beginnings and endings. My Dad told me once that once of the reasons he liked teaching was that it started over every fall. I don't get the time off that he had,but I do appreciate the rhythm of a school calendar.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
The first day of the rest of... yada yada yada
Exercise update: I went hard for 37 minutes on the elliptical machine tonight and followed it up with 15 minutes doing 1 set on the Cybex circuit at the Y. I didn't quite make 60 minutes, but it did burn 500 calories according to http://myfooddiary.com. I also felt tired when I was done, so I'm pleased with my intensity. Tomorrow we will get to 60 minutes. I also removed the chair from my computer room and sat on a stability ball instead (like right now), which sneaks in a little work too.
Nutrition update: Today was the first day tracking calories as well as food using the Internet program. As of 7:15 tonight I had consumed 1991 calories, which is less than the 2100 or so needed to maintain my weight. However as noted above, I earned 500 calories through exercise, so I actually have 200 calories left from my lose a pound a week target. All in all a good day, even if I add a healthy snack later. I'm trying to be laser focused. The tracker doesn't like my sodium or saturated fats today though, so I'll keep an eye on that.
On a side note, it's funny how my mind argues with itself. When I started using the food tracker again, I had an internal debate about whether that meant I could return to burgers and fries. My brain wanted to say that if I stayed within the calories and reported honestly, I could eat whatever. My soul will try to fool me for French Fries every time. I'm glad to say I won the argument with myself and ate all my food at home today:)
Random notes: No great insights today (not sure I ever have those). I saw a cool triathlon in Waupaca in August that I've always wanted to do. I'll discuss with family and see if it gets on the calendar. I continue to vacillate on whether to take the classes in Madison if they are offered. Feels like a real "figure out what you really like and want in life" moment. Lots of change happening at work now too, hiring, maybe added responsibilities etc. My primary goal is to not let any of it impact my work on my health. Because what's the point if you aren't healthy.
If anyone knows how to move away from making decisions based on fear of possible bad consequences, I'd love to learn how.
Nutrition update: Today was the first day tracking calories as well as food using the Internet program. As of 7:15 tonight I had consumed 1991 calories, which is less than the 2100 or so needed to maintain my weight. However as noted above, I earned 500 calories through exercise, so I actually have 200 calories left from my lose a pound a week target. All in all a good day, even if I add a healthy snack later. I'm trying to be laser focused. The tracker doesn't like my sodium or saturated fats today though, so I'll keep an eye on that.
On a side note, it's funny how my mind argues with itself. When I started using the food tracker again, I had an internal debate about whether that meant I could return to burgers and fries. My brain wanted to say that if I stayed within the calories and reported honestly, I could eat whatever. My soul will try to fool me for French Fries every time. I'm glad to say I won the argument with myself and ate all my food at home today:)
Random notes: No great insights today (not sure I ever have those). I saw a cool triathlon in Waupaca in August that I've always wanted to do. I'll discuss with family and see if it gets on the calendar. I continue to vacillate on whether to take the classes in Madison if they are offered. Feels like a real "figure out what you really like and want in life" moment. Lots of change happening at work now too, hiring, maybe added responsibilities etc. My primary goal is to not let any of it impact my work on my health. Because what's the point if you aren't healthy.
If anyone knows how to move away from making decisions based on fear of possible bad consequences, I'd love to learn how.
Friday, May 6, 2011
CTJ
After yesterday's basic bail out on blogging, I need to do better today. Actually, giving in to fatigue yesterday was indicative of what's gone on this week for me. After taking Tuesday as a complete rest day, I let my long day Wednesday turn into a lost day as well.
Then I had late meetings at work yesterday, decided to go home and run instead of go to the Y, got home and the shower at our house was out of commission for 24 hours, and I let that conclude by not doing anything at all. In my ever excuse making head, it was only my 2nd day without a workout and today would be a kick start. As you can see, math is not a strength, it had been three lost days. That can happen so easily when you don't schedule things more firmly.
I had planned on meeting with my trainer Danni at the pool today but she had to get her son from school; it's a pretty good excuse:) So, I needed to come up with a new plan, and I think I did...
The title of the Blog today, CTJ, stands for a skill I have developed in my years managing people. When I've worked with ballplayers or employees who just aren't "getting it", we sometimes have a Come to Jesus meeting. This is generally a session where I try to get them to see the light and realize that what they are doing isn't going to get them where they want to go.
I received my own impromptu CTJ talk this morning from my 9 year old and my wife. When I started to talk about how it might take longer than I had expected to meet my weight loss goals (including weighing 180 by Riverfest to bungee jump with Hannah), they both, independently, started to point out to me all the things I haven't been doing that I could. Without covering every detail, things came up like "people who are serious about losing weight don't list a day that includes a malt and a partial bag of candy as successful"
I have very little capacity for disappointing my children, in particular my daughter, so I think I've got religion now. My dilemma about train for an event or lose weight is discarded and the answer to the question is simply yes. I am acquiring a laser focus on weight loss for the next month or more and here's what I'm going to do.
- Tomorrow morning I will weigh in (but not share, that's for Tuesdays) and enter it in the food tracking site http://myfooddiary.com/. This site has always been my best calorie counting tool and I avoid using it probably because I don't want to be accountable for what I eat. That ends now.
- I will extend my workouts to a minimum of 60 minutes each time I work out, since less than that doesn't seem to move me toward the goal.
- I will continue to honestly share my efforts with the planet through my blog
Exercise update: I ran for 35 minutes today. Didn't track distance, but I'd estimate 3.5 miles. I did a 25 minute cool down walk with my dog to get to my 60 minutes. Tomorrow's plan should involve getting the YMCA after Anne works.
Nutrition update: Lunch was today's biggest win. I went with a salad and a slice of veggie pizza at Rocky's. The bad side was too much soda and too much dressing. Of course when I start the online food diary tomorrow, I'll report on food in greater detail.
Wish me luck and I'm open to any CTJ moments you've had or advice you can give to help me continue to see the light.
Then I had late meetings at work yesterday, decided to go home and run instead of go to the Y, got home and the shower at our house was out of commission for 24 hours, and I let that conclude by not doing anything at all. In my ever excuse making head, it was only my 2nd day without a workout and today would be a kick start. As you can see, math is not a strength, it had been three lost days. That can happen so easily when you don't schedule things more firmly.
I had planned on meeting with my trainer Danni at the pool today but she had to get her son from school; it's a pretty good excuse:) So, I needed to come up with a new plan, and I think I did...
The title of the Blog today, CTJ, stands for a skill I have developed in my years managing people. When I've worked with ballplayers or employees who just aren't "getting it", we sometimes have a Come to Jesus meeting. This is generally a session where I try to get them to see the light and realize that what they are doing isn't going to get them where they want to go.
I received my own impromptu CTJ talk this morning from my 9 year old and my wife. When I started to talk about how it might take longer than I had expected to meet my weight loss goals (including weighing 180 by Riverfest to bungee jump with Hannah), they both, independently, started to point out to me all the things I haven't been doing that I could. Without covering every detail, things came up like "people who are serious about losing weight don't list a day that includes a malt and a partial bag of candy as successful"
I have very little capacity for disappointing my children, in particular my daughter, so I think I've got religion now. My dilemma about train for an event or lose weight is discarded and the answer to the question is simply yes. I am acquiring a laser focus on weight loss for the next month or more and here's what I'm going to do.
- Tomorrow morning I will weigh in (but not share, that's for Tuesdays) and enter it in the food tracking site http://myfooddiary.com/. This site has always been my best calorie counting tool and I avoid using it probably because I don't want to be accountable for what I eat. That ends now.
- I will extend my workouts to a minimum of 60 minutes each time I work out, since less than that doesn't seem to move me toward the goal.
- I will continue to honestly share my efforts with the planet through my blog
Exercise update: I ran for 35 minutes today. Didn't track distance, but I'd estimate 3.5 miles. I did a 25 minute cool down walk with my dog to get to my 60 minutes. Tomorrow's plan should involve getting the YMCA after Anne works.
Nutrition update: Lunch was today's biggest win. I went with a salad and a slice of veggie pizza at Rocky's. The bad side was too much soda and too much dressing. Of course when I start the online food diary tomorrow, I'll report on food in greater detail.
Wish me luck and I'm open to any CTJ moments you've had or advice you can give to help me continue to see the light.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
To be continued
I'm too busy and too tired to post much today. My diet has been ok, but exercise has fallen to the wayside for 2nd day in a row. Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!
I have an appointment with my trainer at 11:30 tomorrow, which shoud get me back on track.
Have a nice night all. I'm going to get some sleep.
In cse anyone was worried, the no French Fry pledge still stands.
I have an appointment with my trainer at 11:30 tomorrow, which shoud get me back on track.
Have a nice night all. I'm going to get some sleep.
In cse anyone was worried, the no French Fry pledge still stands.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Fatigue day
I spent most of the day on the road today after working a few hours. As noted in earlier posts, I was off to Madison for an interview for Edgewood's EdD program. It was a long drive, but worth most of the time. I enjoyed meeting with their staff and some prospective classmates. I even survived the one hour writing exam to prove we can write academically. It brought up every nightmare I had from writing my Master's capstone... I think I actually write ok, but it's painful to get it in APA format etc.
They'll let me know by next week if they want to offer me a spot in the next cohort. As I've mentioned, I have mixed feelings. Today I felt better about the program, but the rising cost of gas makes multiple trips to Madison trickier and our family weekends are already limited by Anne's work schedule, so to give up more weekend time might not be fair to the family.
I guess I'll wait and see if they offer me a spot before I start to build anxiety about it. It will take a family discussion.
From a fitness perspective, I must admit it makes me nervous too. I have a history of using the stress of school as an excuse to not take care of myself physically. My first class would be in July and I'm working my way to a better path by then, but I don't want to screw it up by not being ready to handle the additional stress. If it's taken me 3 weeks to lose 1/2 a pound, I may be in the beginning stages of this "new lifestyle" thing:)
Today's exercise update: This one is easy. I did almost nothing today. Sat in the car to go to an 2 1/2 hour interview where I sat and then sat in the car to come home. Frankly I just got home and I'm feeling too tired for a workout, so I'm going to let it go for today.
Today's nutrition update: I consider today a win. When I am driving all day, the lure of the fast food joints is at it's strongest. Right about lunch time I was passing through Baraboo and Sauk City, which offered a fine array of McDoodoo, Culver's, Taco Bell etc. My no french fry pledge was definitely at risk...
However, I went into McD's and ordered two grilled chicken snack wraps and walked out with them! I didn't succumb on the way home either really. I did get a little candy at Kwik Trip, but threw most of it away. I also stopped for my traditional malt at the Sauk City Culver's, but that was my treat for the day.
Throw in my fruit for breakfast and I'll take a B- for the day.
Need to get back to a routine tomorrow and manage the stress of the end of the school year. Soon there may be a big decision to make about Edgewood, but one thing at a time.
10 days until my first new picture, not anticipating a big change, but I think I need to follow through.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Half-effort = half pound
Today was weigh in day and the results were mixed. I have an old fashioned scale (not digital) and the numbers can be a bit shaky, so the minute weight loss today was hard to calculate. I'm going to call it 197.5 and declare a minor victory.
It makes sense to me that I wouldn't have made major progress in the last week. If I'm honest, I would have to admit, I only ate relatively well on three of the 7 days involved. That leaves room for improvement and today has been an improvement.
Nutrition update: My big triumph today was sticking to my "no french fry" pledge. My ever rationalizing mind said it was ok to go to McDeath today, since I had a minor win on the scale. It even told me that I could probably secretly have a burger and fries and it was ok because the other 30 days would be honest...
I made it as far as the McD's parking lot and drove right through it and back home for a PBJ:) It ain't pretty, but it's progress
Exercise update: Today was a rest day after 4 workout days. All I really did was a long 30+ minute walk with the dog. Back to the elliptical tomorrow.
Random Musings: Not much to say. off to Madison tomorrow for an interview for the doctoral program at Edgewood. Is it bad that part of me hopes they decline and take me off the hook??
Of course the other part of me would be wounded by rejection, so I hope they affirm my brilliance:)
Monday, May 2, 2011
The need to win
Tomorrow is my next weigh-in day and I'm a little too invested in the outcome. At my very foundation, I am ridiculously competitive, so attaching a number to my achievements makes me focus on "winning" like my good friend Mr. Sheen (for those of you reading this in the future, Google Charlie Sheen 2011 and that will help), sometime to the exclusion of feeling good about what I'm doing.
Like when I figured out that an old girlfriend had become an avid half marathon and appeared to have aged less than I have...
My mental response was to pick a 1/2 marathon near her home (which is half a country away), train like a madman, lose 30 pounds and dye my hair....so that I could go out there, run faster, look younger and appear to weigh what I did when I knew her (did I mention we haven't seen each other in nearly 20 years). And then of course, I'd act like it was no big deal, because I'm above such things...
As I said, maybe not real realistic and maybe not real healthy:)
So, while I want my weight to go down tomorrow, I'm also going to appreciate the fact that I'm working out regularly and slowly changing my diet. Regardless of the number those are positive things...
All tomorrow is, is a report on how eating good for about 1/2 a week works. I suspect that getting good habits to 5-6 days a week might be better:)
Exercise report: I chose to come home after work today and run on the treadmill. This was my fourth consecutive day of planned workouts and I must admit, my legs weren't all there. I used the Galloway approach (run 4-5 minutes and walk for 1), to get myself through 35 minutes and just over 5k. I've seen others say their most productive days were the ones that felt the hardest, so I'm hoping today was that sort of day. Tomorrow is an active rest day, so I'll focus on getting walking in at work and with the dog. On a side note, my dear wife is starting up a fitness routine again, so she stole walking the dog from me tonight...can't say I'm disappointed though:)
Nutrition report: Today was much better than the last time I went back to work. I did not eat french fries, my May food goal, and I kept my calories at a reasonable level. Some jellybeans are back in the house, so they are on my snack list again. I am proud of the no fries thing and it feels like an achievable goal.
Anne chided me a bit about how an entire bag of greens disappeared over the last week at our house and none of it disappeared into me. Obviously I still need to add those fruits and especially veggies. My daily banana just isn't going to cut it.
More to come tomorrow, think light thoughts.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
I don't really know anything about supplements
So yesterday I made some pronouncement about how today's topic would center around sleep and supplements. Now that seems kind of silly because it occurs to me, I don't really know anything about supplements and my sleep story is that I'm not very good at it and don't do very much of it.
In conclusion, I may take some supplements if I find some good ones and I need to get more sleep:)
Exercise update: This was the third day in a row I planned to work out. My original intent had been to have a moderate day in the pool, but I was foiled by a log rolling meet closing the pool at the Y. Instead of swimming, I chose to use the new stationary bike trainers in the Y Wellness Center. They are more like spin bikes than standard stationary bikes and they have a simulated gear shift on them for resistance. I've been intrigued watching others ride them, so it was time for me.
I had my son with me and the child care facility was closing soon, so I just did a very intense 30 minutes on the bike. My intensity was much higher than most of my non-trainer workouts. In fact, the little distance gauge said I did 15 miles in 30 minutes, which frankly seems impossible, but is fun to say. All in all it was a nice change up to the elliptical or treadmill. Riding my bike has always been my favorite fitness activity and this was as close as I would get to doing that on a 40 degree day.
I'm frankly too fatigued to do much else today, but I'm planning in hitting the Y once again tomorrow before Tuesday's weigh-in day, which can double as an active rest day. I feel like I'm doing good things on the exercise front.
Nutrition update: Another solid day. Tracked food in the diary and avoided junk by eating at home. My no French Fry goal for May is intact for May 1st, so that's good. I'm writing this in the early evening though and I can tell you my brain has been asking me to get take out food for the last two hours. I'll let you know how that turned out tomorrow. Diet is still my weak area, but I feel like the weekend has been an improvement. I did enjoy a beer this afternoon, which was a few wasted calories, but I don't drink much, so that seems ok.
Random Musings: I had hoped to maybe make it to a benefit that my Mom's boyfriend was putting on today. He has a good friend who received a diagnosis of aggressive and terminal cancer a few weeks ago and they are hoping he could make it to the benefit today. He's a musician and lots of his friends volunteered to play. I used to work at the daycare his granddaughter attended as a baby and it would have been fun to see her all grown up. I guess I'll just have to settle for making a donation.
It's been a bad spring for several people I know in terms of illness and death. Besides the person I mentioned above, a co-worker of mine just lost her husband of 40 years to cancer within a month of his diagnosis. They had been married for 40 years. This was in addition to someone else I used to work with who lost her husband to cancer this winter. They had both retired in the year prior and the loss seemed so cruel.
All that circle of life stuff gets you thinking. And of course, I'm a little self-centered, so I'm thinking about me, but in a "how do I make the best use of my time on the planet" way. I'm interviewing for a doctoral program in Madison (Edgewood not UW) on Wednesday and as I've mentioned before, I've also got an opportunity to pursue a degree in Mental Health Counseling right here in La Crosse, which could give me career options as a counselor, or a psychology instructor or just improve me in my current role.
In conclusion, I may take some supplements if I find some good ones and I need to get more sleep:)
Exercise update: This was the third day in a row I planned to work out. My original intent had been to have a moderate day in the pool, but I was foiled by a log rolling meet closing the pool at the Y. Instead of swimming, I chose to use the new stationary bike trainers in the Y Wellness Center. They are more like spin bikes than standard stationary bikes and they have a simulated gear shift on them for resistance. I've been intrigued watching others ride them, so it was time for me.
I had my son with me and the child care facility was closing soon, so I just did a very intense 30 minutes on the bike. My intensity was much higher than most of my non-trainer workouts. In fact, the little distance gauge said I did 15 miles in 30 minutes, which frankly seems impossible, but is fun to say. All in all it was a nice change up to the elliptical or treadmill. Riding my bike has always been my favorite fitness activity and this was as close as I would get to doing that on a 40 degree day.
I'm frankly too fatigued to do much else today, but I'm planning in hitting the Y once again tomorrow before Tuesday's weigh-in day, which can double as an active rest day. I feel like I'm doing good things on the exercise front.
Nutrition update: Another solid day. Tracked food in the diary and avoided junk by eating at home. My no French Fry goal for May is intact for May 1st, so that's good. I'm writing this in the early evening though and I can tell you my brain has been asking me to get take out food for the last two hours. I'll let you know how that turned out tomorrow. Diet is still my weak area, but I feel like the weekend has been an improvement. I did enjoy a beer this afternoon, which was a few wasted calories, but I don't drink much, so that seems ok.
Random Musings: I had hoped to maybe make it to a benefit that my Mom's boyfriend was putting on today. He has a good friend who received a diagnosis of aggressive and terminal cancer a few weeks ago and they are hoping he could make it to the benefit today. He's a musician and lots of his friends volunteered to play. I used to work at the daycare his granddaughter attended as a baby and it would have been fun to see her all grown up. I guess I'll just have to settle for making a donation.
It's been a bad spring for several people I know in terms of illness and death. Besides the person I mentioned above, a co-worker of mine just lost her husband of 40 years to cancer within a month of his diagnosis. They had been married for 40 years. This was in addition to someone else I used to work with who lost her husband to cancer this winter. They had both retired in the year prior and the loss seemed so cruel.
All that circle of life stuff gets you thinking. And of course, I'm a little self-centered, so I'm thinking about me, but in a "how do I make the best use of my time on the planet" way. I'm interviewing for a doctoral program in Madison (Edgewood not UW) on Wednesday and as I've mentioned before, I've also got an opportunity to pursue a degree in Mental Health Counseling right here in La Crosse, which could give me career options as a counselor, or a psychology instructor or just improve me in my current role.
Both of these choices would erode my personal and family time to varying degrees and have different potential rewards. The doctorate keeps my on track in my career and opens the door to even higher leadership, while the 2nd Master's gives me access to a new career option and a route back to a classroom (at the college level), as well as maybe a slightly less demanding mental side of my job (you know where I don't obsess about it all the time).
Of course, I don't really have to do any of those things and so the process becomes figuring out what I actually want to do. It is a very difficult question for me and touches every anxiety trigger I have. I want to say that I will really live my values and take whatever route gives me my free time to be with my family and choose non-work interests (like I don't know....triathlon!)...but, it is pretty terrifying when I think that maybe that knocks me off a pretty good career track now, where I can help people and make a comfortable living. And frankly I get some self-satisfaction out of being where I am at the age I am.
Boy that seems shallow when I type it in plain view...
It is very hard to be 40 and not be real sure who you are in some ways.
Of course, I don't really have to do any of those things and so the process becomes figuring out what I actually want to do. It is a very difficult question for me and touches every anxiety trigger I have. I want to say that I will really live my values and take whatever route gives me my free time to be with my family and choose non-work interests (like I don't know....triathlon!)...but, it is pretty terrifying when I think that maybe that knocks me off a pretty good career track now, where I can help people and make a comfortable living. And frankly I get some self-satisfaction out of being where I am at the age I am.
Boy that seems shallow when I type it in plain view...
It is very hard to be 40 and not be real sure who you are in some ways.
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