The crust of the biscuit - THE issue is diet

Here is what I remember eating so far today. It's 8:00 in the evening as I write this.
7:00 a.m - Banana followed by an apple 30 minutes later
9:00 a.m. - 20 oz. Diet Pepsi
At various morning times - 3-4 jelly beans at a time from a candy dish across the hall at work
11:45 - Came home to watch my ill daughter and immediate ate a small Yoplait Whip 12:00 - Two Cheese Pizza hot pockets During the afternoon I ate several jellybeans from the store because I needed candy for an activity I'm leading tomorrow. No specific time, just grazing
2:00 I think I shoved a chocolate chip cookie in there somewhere
4:00 - Handful of raisins (and of course jellybeans)
6:30 - a piece of string cheese while I waited for the oven to heat to make a frozen pizza
7:15 - 10 inch Tombstone Cheese pizza
I don't think I'm having ice cream tonight, but I may yet. This is in my head a reasonable day!!!! That is a problem. While my brain says, "look no fast food", common sense says, "look no vegetables...again." Somewhere along the line, my relationship to food has become if I can't pick it up and bite it, it isn't food... Of course, apples fit that criteria, but somehow garbage seems to fit it better.
My short term goal with my eating habits is to eliminate soda. No calories in diet soda but research seems to show plenty of other negatives about it, and it costs money. After that, I just want to work in a salad and a smoothie per day. That was old advice from a dietitian on my most successful weight management plan about 5 years ago. I also need to start tracking what I eat again, whether here or elsewhere.
My relationship with food is weird and tonight's pizza is a good example. Making it and eating it brought me some weird emotional comfort, but now I am filled with regret and don't feel physically great either. Must find balance...
Moderate exercise today, just a brisk walk with the dog. One more day of that (tomorrow is a 12 hour work day) and then Thursday real workouts will start. After all it's Olympic Tri or Die, not Walk Jake or watch TV:)
I will also post a starting weight and a photo on Thursday, the fact that I feel reluctant to do that is probably an indicator that I should. Apparently my middle age re-birth is based on George Constanza's philosophy of doing the opposite of my instincts, I think Einstein would be proud:) Have a good night